unearthing words from my heart
22 July 2012
Twing Umuulan At Kapiling Ka
i was in high school, i don't think the eraserheads version was out yet, but my group and i were set to go to the beach to film our project on "heat". and of course, as with all high school "romances", i was in the same group as my crush.
so we were all in shorts, all set to talk about how hot it was and all that when the rain poured like God was dumping a bucketful for water down the earth. we had to revise our script, scamper around in flimsy umbrellas, and figure out how we would pass physics with our non-heat video but all i could think of was how the song "tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka" would be crazy perfect for the situation.
fast forward to yesterday and my 30-year-old self is still in love with the rain and the thought of how romantic it is when your heart is happy and the rain is pouring outside. the rain might mean wet shoes and wet feet (i hate wet shoes and feet) and dripping umbrellas and bulky jackets but it also means fuzzy pajamas, staying beneath warm blankets and daydreaming of what it would be like when the day finally comes that i could sing "tuwing umuulan at kapiling ka" and get a kiss from you at the end of it, off-key voice notwithstanding. ;)
The Ides of July
It’s been a crazy month for me, both professionally and personally. I won’t go into details except to say that i’ve been going after a dream while another dream is going after me and I seem to be running away from it. It’s one of those times when you’re excited and scared in equal parts, and your default position is to doubt your self and why you’re doing the things you’re doing in the first place.
I’m obviously babbling here.
Anyway, my point is, it hasn’t been an easy month for me but I’m getting by. I’m trying not to be too excited, or jaded, or happy, or depressed. In short, I’m trying not to feel anything at all. Life has sent a few surprises my way, like an old friend named Rabbi suddenly keeping in touch again ( wooohoo! I’ve missed you,Rabbi! Please don’t disappear on me again. Haha!); discovering this wordpress app which makes blogging anywhere possible ( I will finally get to maximize the use of this gadget, thank God!); and discovering that there’s still a good part of my heart that believes in love and a good part of my brain that doesn’t counter it.
I still love my life. And maybe when this month is over, I will go back to loving it more.
05 July 2012
Dahil Sa PAg-Ibig
Here is one of few songs you know you could have written yourself because of the feeling being real.
Dahil Sa Pag-Ibig
Jericho Rosales 2012
Buhay pa ang alaala
bukas pa ang sugat
Bitbit ang bigat sa puso
Kahit saan Mapadpad
Tumakbo sa kawalan
Nagsumbong sa kalangitan
Nawalan ng pangalan
Pinalit ay katanungan
Magpalaya ng dahil sa pagibig
Lumaya Ng dahil sa pagibig
Pagibig na iilaw sa araw na madilim
Pagibig na pupuno sa iyong balong malalim
Dahil sa Pagibig
Sindihan mo ang mitsa ng pagibig
Na sisiklab at tutuyo ng luha
Pagibig na huhugas sa sakit
Na nakatakip sa iyong mga mata
Ibuhos mo ang pagibig
Pukawin mo ang hapdi
Lumaya ka sa ugat ng sugat
Lumaya ka Alipin ng galit
Magpalaya ng dahil sa pagibig
Lumaya.. Dahil Sa Pagibig
Dahil Sa Pag-Ibig
Jericho Rosales 2012
Buhay pa ang alaala
bukas pa ang sugat
Bitbit ang bigat sa puso
Kahit saan Mapadpad
Tumakbo sa kawalan
Nagsumbong sa kalangitan
Nawalan ng pangalan
Pinalit ay katanungan
Magpalaya ng dahil sa pagibig
Lumaya Ng dahil sa pagibig
Pagibig na iilaw sa araw na madilim
Pagibig na pupuno sa iyong balong malalim
Dahil sa Pagibig
Sindihan mo ang mitsa ng pagibig
Na sisiklab at tutuyo ng luha
Pagibig na huhugas sa sakit
Na nakatakip sa iyong mga mata
Ibuhos mo ang pagibig
Pukawin mo ang hapdi
Lumaya ka sa ugat ng sugat
Lumaya ka Alipin ng galit
Magpalaya ng dahil sa pagibig
Lumaya.. Dahil Sa Pagibig
02 July 2012
Marela Day
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Sometimes people can be too nice to you for no apparent reason that it makes you wonder whether they know something you don’t, like maybe your husband is having an affair, or you were adopted or something. Haha.
Last week Malen emailed me as usual, but this time she waxed sentimental about how she wishes I was in the Italy with her throughout all four seasons, bcoz she knows just how much I’m going to enjoy the change in nature, and scenery, and everything. (And the fashion, Malen! You forgot how I’m going to so enjoy the change in fashion every season! Hahaha.) And she said she realizes this is not possible for now bcoz I can’t leave my kids and my job, so she just counts her blessings and is grateful that we can visit her one season at a time. That was a lovely email from Malen. On top of everything, she’s also so sweet to me and my little ones.
And then this couple whom I love gave me bakkwa from Singapore. I have tremendous respect and admiration for this couple bcoz they are both so successful and yet so warm, nurturing, and down-to-earth. If I could choose my parents in my next life, it will probably be them. .
After the food came a hand-woven, pure silk scarf made by Cambodian artisans, from another person. It came in the perfect shade of muted pink, too. It’s exquisite and completely unexpected. This person said it was a thank you for my being ‘a jewel’, and an apology for not having enough time chatting with and protecting me. Owww. I cried and cried.
The following day I got a huge bottle of Lanvin perfume from yet another person. Wow, it was like Christmas all of a sudden! The giver told me it was in appreciation for my willingness to stick my neck out in thorny situations, and for having brains, to boot. Oooh, I have brains – that’s a relief to know. Hahaha. Always the character, this person.
I don’t know who it was who declared last week Love MarelaWeek, but whoever you are, and to the above people who received and complied with the memo – thank you =)
(Photo credit goes to Jewel. Oh, the lovely Cape Cod hydrangeas!)
30 June 2012
People
I should be writing about our trip to Vietnam, but then i realized im poor at putting the scenery into words. So i'll just post pictures next time. And since my blog might be missing me or my "two" readers i am here now tapping keyboards with people on my mind with random topics....
....id like to say.
Thank you Malkiel for the wonderful trip. It was fun and a perfect way to get to bond with you and your family. Im sure Clara would be loving her Daddy Ninong more...hehehe....same shallow person like her mom.Sobrang totoo ang sinabi ni Daddy na sobrang mahal ang pagmamahal myo sakin where you had to get to fly from Italy just to be with me :)....from the bottom of my wounded heart i so love you hahah.....promise ikaw lang ang bestfriend ko dun :P
Chio - lately lagi kitang napapanaginipan. i know why, its becos you dont want to see me sad and alone. I wont be alone naman, our superhero is still there, and atty jewel. so friend kung inaabala kita kahit nasa langit ka na, pero alam mo miss na miss ka na namin. miss ko ng sumakay kay "cattle" miss ko ng makausap ka. miss ko ng magbyahe na Passengers Seat ang tugtog. At miss ko ng may magsabi sakin ng Pretty Love.Bantayan mo si Enzo jan ha, at ang bago mong anak si Ibarra.
....
Mr. Lim, thank you sa chance to get to work with you and for believing in my craft and my ability.
....
Thank you stranger, who reminds me how to be grateful with small blessings in life.
....
Basta thankful ako.
10 June 2012
Feng Shoe
I went insane with Lao Shu’s quotable quotes:
1. Without the right shoe, nothing is possible.
2. White is to be used in a dress shoe only when the planets are aligned correctly and the seasons are just right – in June for a wedding, and only if you’re the bride.
3. If you find yourself wearing red shoes, you are highly likely, almost certain, to have a good day – or night.
4. Don’t wear plaid shoes - unless they’re Burberry plaid.
5. Don’t buy plastic shoe storage apartments. They’re ugly and unnatural. Don’t insult your shoes by using them.
6. Mixing shoes while storing is bad feng shoe. So, store six different styles of shoe in six different rooms. On second thought, you’d better move into a bigger house and buy more shoes.
7. The most auspicious days to shop for shoes are those days that end in ‘y’.
8. Before shoe shopping, calm yourself by meditating in the center of your shoe storage room. Chanting is optional. Possible chant: “I saw … them first … BITCH”.
9. Since feet swell as the day wears on, it’s best to shop in the late afternoon or early evening. This has the added bonus of giving you an excellent reason to leave work early.
10. You will know the right shoe when you put in on. Your feet will immediately bond with the shoes. Peace and happiness will reside in your soul. You will intuitively understand that you and the shoes have become one.
11. The higher the heel of the shoe, the closer you are to heaven’s gate.
12. Happiness starts within your sole.
(In addition to Feng Shoe, Babette also gave me this journal fit for a 'reform school girl'. It's so wild. I love it.)
The Happiness Project
I’m normally averse to self-help books. We’re all different so I don’t believe in any one advice that will work for everyone. Besides, it’s part of my whole arrogance, that I’m basically okay and do not need any advice from a total stranger far away. Haha.
I bought The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin bcoz I thought it was a memoir. It was that, all right, but it also turned out to be a self-help book for the most part. That was ok, tho, bcoz if nothing else, I got a lot of quotable gems from this book*:
1. There is only love.
2. What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while.
3. Sleep is the new sex.
4. Samuel Johnson: It is by studying little things that we attain the greatest art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.
5. Oscar Wilde: One is not always happy when one is good; but one is always good when one is happy.
6. Pierre Reverdy: There is no love; there are only proofs of love.
7. You’re only as happy as your least happy child.
8. Woody Allen: 80% of success is showing up.
9. An anonymous blogger: Light a candle or STFU.
10. St. Therese of Lisieux: When one loves, one does not calculate.
11. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
(*unless otherwise indicated, the quotes are by the author, Gretchen Rubin)
I bought The Happiness Project by Gretchen Rubin bcoz I thought it was a memoir. It was that, all right, but it also turned out to be a self-help book for the most part. That was ok, tho, bcoz if nothing else, I got a lot of quotable gems from this book*:
1. There is only love.
2. What you do every day matters more than what you do once in while.
3. Sleep is the new sex.
4. Samuel Johnson: It is by studying little things that we attain the greatest art of having as little misery, and as much happiness as possible.
5. Oscar Wilde: One is not always happy when one is good; but one is always good when one is happy.
6. Pierre Reverdy: There is no love; there are only proofs of love.
7. You’re only as happy as your least happy child.
8. Woody Allen: 80% of success is showing up.
9. An anonymous blogger: Light a candle or STFU.
10. St. Therese of Lisieux: When one loves, one does not calculate.
11. If Mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.
(*unless otherwise indicated, the quotes are by the author, Gretchen Rubin)
No Words
Whenever I don’t get to blog for so long, that can only mean either of two things: 1. I have no time; or 2. I have no words for what I should write about.
This time, it’s the latter.
Lately, I have had no words to describe what I’ve been going through because I’ve been too pissed, too annoyed, too overwhelmed, too overjoyed, too whatever. In other words, my emotions have been extreme the past weeks that had I chosen to write about it, I would have been liable for exaggeration.
But things have cooled down a bit the past couple of days. After a failed attempt to go to Coron, a winning moment against a legal issue at BIR, and an episode of vacillating between wanting something and not wanting it, I have again found my state of equilibrium.
As for the events of the past weeks however, I still have no words:
On Jessica placing 2nd on American Idol: ???????
On the Chief Justice being convicted: !!!!!!!!
On the megastar starting another mega fight on twitter: ?!?!?!?!
On K-12 being implemented: *********
On Cebu Pacific’s warning that there will be no more promo fares in view of the new CAB rules: xxxxxxxxxxxx
On the petition to recall Miriam’s appointment in ICC: ^^^^^^^
On five of my friends (all my age) being pregnant:
On the new salary adjustment taking effect this June: $$$$$$$
On my bestfriend getting married: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
On my boss’s plans for next year: + – =
On MY own plans for next year and what I have been doing to get there: //////////////
On an ex-love finding his real calling: ( )
On me finding someone like him: ……………….
So obviously, there’s a good reason why I haven’t blogged the past few weeks. I still have no words.
No words.
This time, it’s the latter.
Lately, I have had no words to describe what I’ve been going through because I’ve been too pissed, too annoyed, too overwhelmed, too overjoyed, too whatever. In other words, my emotions have been extreme the past weeks that had I chosen to write about it, I would have been liable for exaggeration.
But things have cooled down a bit the past couple of days. After a failed attempt to go to Coron, a winning moment against a legal issue at BIR, and an episode of vacillating between wanting something and not wanting it, I have again found my state of equilibrium.
As for the events of the past weeks however, I still have no words:
On Jessica placing 2nd on American Idol: ???????
On the Chief Justice being convicted: !!!!!!!!
On the megastar starting another mega fight on twitter: ?!?!?!?!
On K-12 being implemented: *********
On Cebu Pacific’s warning that there will be no more promo fares in view of the new CAB rules: xxxxxxxxxxxx
On the petition to recall Miriam’s appointment in ICC: ^^^^^^^
On five of my friends (all my age) being pregnant:
On the new salary adjustment taking effect this June: $$$$$$$
On my bestfriend getting married: ,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,
On my boss’s plans for next year: + – =
On MY own plans for next year and what I have been doing to get there: //////////////
On an ex-love finding his real calling: ( )
On me finding someone like him: ……………….
So obviously, there’s a good reason why I haven’t blogged the past few weeks. I still have no words.
No words.
20 May 2012
Walang Kokontra
Confession:
When I was young, I really got a kick out of watching local comedy films even if that was considered baduy by my friends. I didn’t mind at all that they teased me for my poor taste. After all, I believe that watching these films has served me in good stead because that was how I acquired my sense of humor and comic timing, which, modesty aside, remain as my best (and possibly only) assets now that I’m old.
I mention this because I remember watching how Chiquito or Tito Vic and Joey used to say wala lang pong kokontra every time they were about to perform a magic trick. As a child I used to wonder why it was necessary to say that phrase, until one day, a light bulb flashed in my then tiny head and I understood. They had to say that phrase because nobody believes in magic anymore and that phrase is used to dispel all doubts regarding the authenticity of their magic.
So why am I blogging about this?
Because this morning, I woke up and realized that hey, I’m over him, and it feels like magic.
Anyone who’s seen me at the height of my enchantment could attest that it would take magic—lots and lots of it, in fact— to make me over him. But now I think I am. For one, I no longer wait for him to go online, I rarely check his Facebook, if at all, and he’s no longer my favorite topic when I’m talking to friends. Plus, I think I’ve finally given up all hopes of seeing him and being with him again. And, most importantly, he’s no longer the yardstick with which I measure every other guy in my horizon.
Parang magic talaga. And in the tradition of all the comic magicians who have gone before me, it’s my turn to say: Wala lang pong kokontra.
When I was young, I really got a kick out of watching local comedy films even if that was considered baduy by my friends. I didn’t mind at all that they teased me for my poor taste. After all, I believe that watching these films has served me in good stead because that was how I acquired my sense of humor and comic timing, which, modesty aside, remain as my best (and possibly only) assets now that I’m old.
I mention this because I remember watching how Chiquito or Tito Vic and Joey used to say wala lang pong kokontra every time they were about to perform a magic trick. As a child I used to wonder why it was necessary to say that phrase, until one day, a light bulb flashed in my then tiny head and I understood. They had to say that phrase because nobody believes in magic anymore and that phrase is used to dispel all doubts regarding the authenticity of their magic.
So why am I blogging about this?
Because this morning, I woke up and realized that hey, I’m over him, and it feels like magic.
Anyone who’s seen me at the height of my enchantment could attest that it would take magic—lots and lots of it, in fact— to make me over him. But now I think I am. For one, I no longer wait for him to go online, I rarely check his Facebook, if at all, and he’s no longer my favorite topic when I’m talking to friends. Plus, I think I’ve finally given up all hopes of seeing him and being with him again. And, most importantly, he’s no longer the yardstick with which I measure every other guy in my horizon.
Parang magic talaga. And in the tradition of all the comic magicians who have gone before me, it’s my turn to say: Wala lang pong kokontra.
Excuses! Excuses!
I’ve been in my new job for a week now, and if you think this blog is about how my first week went, well, you’re wrong.
It’s not that there’s nothing to blog about regarding my new job. On the contrary, I’m overwhelmed (in a good way) with all the events of the past week. And as my friends know, whenever I’m overwhelmed whether in a good or a bad way, I have this insurmountable urge to share it with him. So yes, my wonderful friends who still care to visit this mushy blog, this post is yet again about him.
I want to tell him the kind of work that I do now, the new challenges and responsibilities that I have, the kind of people I now work with, this case that I’ve been losing sleep on the past nights, my nice office, the mind blowing meetings I’ve attended, and the many times I had to remind myself (the way he would) to take it easy and just enjoy my new life.
My bestfriend— the very same person who advised that I move on— told me during our last session that as I take on a new job, I should be prepared to embrace all the new things that come with it. And in order not to be overwhelmed, he advised that I always go back to my Constant. He was of course referring to God. But in my mind, as he said that, I was also thinking of the one person whose comfort I’ve sought through all the difficult times of the past years.
I know that this whole business of moving on is long overdue. But I always manage to come up with excuses to hold on. When I was overcoming a major disappointment three years ago, I used that as an excuse to see him often so that I could rant about life and hear him pacify me. When I was discerning about this job, I used that as an excuse to seek his guidance. And now— now that my life is finally working and things are finally looking up— I know I’m bound to use this again as an excuse to see him. Just because I want to.
So I guess a persevering heart will always find a way. Whether that’s right or wrong is an issue I’ll resolve some other time.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox said, “There is no destiny, no chance, no fate that can change, hinder or circumvent the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Even just for today, I so want to believe that.
It’s not that there’s nothing to blog about regarding my new job. On the contrary, I’m overwhelmed (in a good way) with all the events of the past week. And as my friends know, whenever I’m overwhelmed whether in a good or a bad way, I have this insurmountable urge to share it with him. So yes, my wonderful friends who still care to visit this mushy blog, this post is yet again about him.
I want to tell him the kind of work that I do now, the new challenges and responsibilities that I have, the kind of people I now work with, this case that I’ve been losing sleep on the past nights, my nice office, the mind blowing meetings I’ve attended, and the many times I had to remind myself (the way he would) to take it easy and just enjoy my new life.
My bestfriend— the very same person who advised that I move on— told me during our last session that as I take on a new job, I should be prepared to embrace all the new things that come with it. And in order not to be overwhelmed, he advised that I always go back to my Constant. He was of course referring to God. But in my mind, as he said that, I was also thinking of the one person whose comfort I’ve sought through all the difficult times of the past years.
I know that this whole business of moving on is long overdue. But I always manage to come up with excuses to hold on. When I was overcoming a major disappointment three years ago, I used that as an excuse to see him often so that I could rant about life and hear him pacify me. When I was discerning about this job, I used that as an excuse to seek his guidance. And now— now that my life is finally working and things are finally looking up— I know I’m bound to use this again as an excuse to see him. Just because I want to.
So I guess a persevering heart will always find a way. Whether that’s right or wrong is an issue I’ll resolve some other time.
Ella Wheeler Wilcox said, “There is no destiny, no chance, no fate that can change, hinder or circumvent the firm resolve of a determined soul.”
Even just for today, I so want to believe that.
Faith Based Initiative
When I was several years younger and just starting to learn a lot
about prayer and relating to God, I thought being close to Him meant
knowing all the answers to life’s questions. In my 20s, I was introduced
to this concept called discernment and was taught how to do it by
people who were ahead of me in the spiritual life. It made perfect sense
to me. Discernment, as I was told, was about knowing God’s will in
certain situations so that when you decide on something, you know that
you consulted God before doing it. That kind of thinking appealed to me.
In my young mind, it provided a safety net for all the decisions that I
made. I thought discernment meant being fail proof and error free in
everything I do. But as my experience would tell me, I was wrong.
Well, that may not be accurate. There were times that I was right. In my life, I can name a number of decisions which I know I prayed about and turned out very well in the end.
However, there are two significant matters that really make me question the merits of discernment. And no matter how I try to avoid it, I end up dwelling on these two. From time to time, I struggle with the thought that the outcome of my discernment was false. That I heard God wrong. Or worse, that He simply led me on.
But then when I pray, and I mean really pray with all my heart, I get this conviction that God has my back and that’s all that matters. What I’m learning now is that while it’s good to discern, I don’t really have to know all the details of God’s plans for me. I don’t even have to know the blueprint of my life. Instead, I need just enough guidance— just enough light for the step I’m on— and I’d be okay.
I’m also realizing that the more simple my prayers are, the more I know that I’m attuned to God. I once heard a story about this girl who died and stood face to face with God and when she asked Him if she succeeded in being what He wanted her to be, God said, “The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be you. I don’t need the best version of yourself. Just you.” I used to question that story. Doesn’t God want us to be good at everything so that we can glorify Him? Isn’t that the whole point o f the parable of the talents? But later on I learned that just by being true to who you are, you already become the best version of yourself. And the same thing is true when we pray. There’s no need for elaborate words or for too much ritual. Sometimes, you don’t even have to talk. You just have to show up. This realization led me to a more contemplative spirituality.
So now when I pray, I just tell God how I feel, what I want and how I want it to happen. And then I always end by telling Him that I don’t need to know everything— how it will happen, when it will happen, or if it will happen at all. I’ve stopped obsessing about discovering the ending. If I discern, it’s because I want to have the right disposition, not because I want a sure direction. Because if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that we can never be too sure about anything in this life. Except maybe about this: That faith is the substance of all things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
I may not have the heart to believe in many things now but I still believe in what’s unseen and in the plans of a God who moves them. And I know that for the rest of my life, this should be enough.
Well, that may not be accurate. There were times that I was right. In my life, I can name a number of decisions which I know I prayed about and turned out very well in the end.
However, there are two significant matters that really make me question the merits of discernment. And no matter how I try to avoid it, I end up dwelling on these two. From time to time, I struggle with the thought that the outcome of my discernment was false. That I heard God wrong. Or worse, that He simply led me on.
But then when I pray, and I mean really pray with all my heart, I get this conviction that God has my back and that’s all that matters. What I’m learning now is that while it’s good to discern, I don’t really have to know all the details of God’s plans for me. I don’t even have to know the blueprint of my life. Instead, I need just enough guidance— just enough light for the step I’m on— and I’d be okay.
I’m also realizing that the more simple my prayers are, the more I know that I’m attuned to God. I once heard a story about this girl who died and stood face to face with God and when she asked Him if she succeeded in being what He wanted her to be, God said, “The only thing I ever wanted was for you to be you. I don’t need the best version of yourself. Just you.” I used to question that story. Doesn’t God want us to be good at everything so that we can glorify Him? Isn’t that the whole point o f the parable of the talents? But later on I learned that just by being true to who you are, you already become the best version of yourself. And the same thing is true when we pray. There’s no need for elaborate words or for too much ritual. Sometimes, you don’t even have to talk. You just have to show up. This realization led me to a more contemplative spirituality.
So now when I pray, I just tell God how I feel, what I want and how I want it to happen. And then I always end by telling Him that I don’t need to know everything— how it will happen, when it will happen, or if it will happen at all. I’ve stopped obsessing about discovering the ending. If I discern, it’s because I want to have the right disposition, not because I want a sure direction. Because if there’s one thing I learned, it’s that we can never be too sure about anything in this life. Except maybe about this: That faith is the substance of all things hoped for and the evidence of things not seen.
I may not have the heart to believe in many things now but I still believe in what’s unseen and in the plans of a God who moves them. And I know that for the rest of my life, this should be enough.
To The Prettiest Girl in Grade 7
It’s my good friend Rosa’s birthday today.
I’m writing this not because she also blogged about me on my birthday but because Rosa is the kind of friend you want to affirm over and over and that still wouldn’t be enough to thank her for making you realize all the nice things about yourself.
We were office mates for four years. When she joined our office, I was already good friends with Rache, but by virtue of the fact that Rosa was more supportive of my crush on this guy (Rache announced from the start that “na parang tumama ng lotto” yung guy pag naging kami. Haha) I immediately took her under my wings. When I became broken hearted because the same guy ended up with a friend of mine, Rosa tried to comfort me with this classic line I’ll never forget: “Wala akong words of wisdom na masasabi, pero pwede kitang samahan mag-shopping.”
Haha.
And shop we did.
And thus began a crazy wonderful friendship that’s soundtracked by equally crazy songs like Total Eclipse of the Heart and Part Time Lover, the context of which I can’t reveal without getting both of us into trouble.
Haha!
But seriously, Rosa is the kind of friend you would want to be stuck in a long road trip or a long line with because she will never run out of amusing things to say. She will take care of you when you’re too lazy ( as I am ) to move about, and she will put up with your mood swings and will understand if you would rather be quiet for a moment even though she’s still full of energy and childlike excitement. She’s super organized ( I learned all sorts of travel tips from her), very punctual (hence, she gets frustrated when people are constantly late), very practical (for all her shopping splurges, she is actually a wise spender who believes in the concept of value for money), and she can indulge you in your fantasy life no matter how outrageous it may be.
I think I’ve affirmed Rosa in the past for her fabulousness, her wit and charm and her ability to make me laugh, but I’ve never affirmed her for the more profound things she does. Now is my chance to do so. I wish more people will get to see how she has grown in her faith, and how, in the past year, she has been to me what I used to be for her— a source of comfort and wisdom, and a loyal friend I can rely on to believe on my behalf that things will eventually get better. I hope she gets to realize that she is really beautiful even without trying and that she has what it takes to be what she aspires to be and more.I hope she finally learns to accept the fact that she’s a good catch and she’s never meant to settle for anything less than what her heart truly desires.
Rosa is the kind of person I probably would’ve wanted to be friends with in college but wouldn’t have had the courage to approach because she looks so sosyal and driven. Which is why I’m glad that WU has brought us together (who would have thought?) and Lingkod would seal our friendship even better (mas malaking who would’ve thought! Haha!) I feel that we’ve been through a lot and yet there’s so much more to experience together. I promised her I’ll have a fountain built for her garden when we’re both rich. She promised me a dozen other pangmayaman things in return and we got a kick out of imagining ourselves when (not if) that time comes.
So to my dear friend Rosa, happy happy birthday!
Thank you for being in my corner and for making it easy to still be friends despite our distance and our crazy schedule. I’m blessed to have you as my encourager, my loyal friend, and my first official stylist. I know you’re big on birthdays so I hope this day will bring you surprises beyond what you expect
.
With lots of love from me, the right A, Minko, Aaron and Ally. Haha. Fantasy life is much better lived with you around.
Note: For those who are wondering about the title, it’s the same title I used when I blogged about Rosa a few years ago. The explanation for this title, however, is not my story to tell.
I’m writing this not because she also blogged about me on my birthday but because Rosa is the kind of friend you want to affirm over and over and that still wouldn’t be enough to thank her for making you realize all the nice things about yourself.
We were office mates for four years. When she joined our office, I was already good friends with Rache, but by virtue of the fact that Rosa was more supportive of my crush on this guy (Rache announced from the start that “na parang tumama ng lotto” yung guy pag naging kami. Haha) I immediately took her under my wings. When I became broken hearted because the same guy ended up with a friend of mine, Rosa tried to comfort me with this classic line I’ll never forget: “Wala akong words of wisdom na masasabi, pero pwede kitang samahan mag-shopping.”
Haha.
And shop we did.
And thus began a crazy wonderful friendship that’s soundtracked by equally crazy songs like Total Eclipse of the Heart and Part Time Lover, the context of which I can’t reveal without getting both of us into trouble.
Haha!
But seriously, Rosa is the kind of friend you would want to be stuck in a long road trip or a long line with because she will never run out of amusing things to say. She will take care of you when you’re too lazy ( as I am ) to move about, and she will put up with your mood swings and will understand if you would rather be quiet for a moment even though she’s still full of energy and childlike excitement. She’s super organized ( I learned all sorts of travel tips from her), very punctual (hence, she gets frustrated when people are constantly late), very practical (for all her shopping splurges, she is actually a wise spender who believes in the concept of value for money), and she can indulge you in your fantasy life no matter how outrageous it may be.
I think I’ve affirmed Rosa in the past for her fabulousness, her wit and charm and her ability to make me laugh, but I’ve never affirmed her for the more profound things she does. Now is my chance to do so. I wish more people will get to see how she has grown in her faith, and how, in the past year, she has been to me what I used to be for her— a source of comfort and wisdom, and a loyal friend I can rely on to believe on my behalf that things will eventually get better. I hope she gets to realize that she is really beautiful even without trying and that she has what it takes to be what she aspires to be and more.I hope she finally learns to accept the fact that she’s a good catch and she’s never meant to settle for anything less than what her heart truly desires.
Rosa is the kind of person I probably would’ve wanted to be friends with in college but wouldn’t have had the courage to approach because she looks so sosyal and driven. Which is why I’m glad that WU has brought us together (who would have thought?) and Lingkod would seal our friendship even better (mas malaking who would’ve thought! Haha!) I feel that we’ve been through a lot and yet there’s so much more to experience together. I promised her I’ll have a fountain built for her garden when we’re both rich. She promised me a dozen other pangmayaman things in return and we got a kick out of imagining ourselves when (not if) that time comes.
So to my dear friend Rosa, happy happy birthday!
Thank you for being in my corner and for making it easy to still be friends despite our distance and our crazy schedule. I’m blessed to have you as my encourager, my loyal friend, and my first official stylist. I know you’re big on birthdays so I hope this day will bring you surprises beyond what you expect
.
With lots of love from me, the right A, Minko, Aaron and Ally. Haha. Fantasy life is much better lived with you around.
Note: For those who are wondering about the title, it’s the same title I used when I blogged about Rosa a few years ago. The explanation for this title, however, is not my story to tell.
She Said It Best
Sometimes, when I’m in doubt whether my life amounts to anything,
and when my self-esteem needs some pampering, I turn to friends to
remind me that I am a good person after all. So it being my airtime—
that one day of the year I believe I’m entitled to be self-absorbed— I’m
reposting one my good friends’ posts about ME. Thanks Rosa!
Very few people know how to affirm me the way you do. 
G.V.O. (By Rosa, posted yesterday)
the red cups … winning the lotto … “rich” names … controversial decisions … being court attorney 4 … all those codenames! … the wrong “a” … staying in touch even two jobs later … getting over that major fight … me wanting to be friends with all of your friends … you introducing me to lingkod, cenacle, the jesuits, and to jewel … all those afternoons you and rache refused to talk to me to force me to study … the review books with the crazy notes … being the one to deliver me the news that changed my life … solsagamnida … sucre … solemn place … love story in harvard … mitsa …
you are a wonderful daughter, and a loyal friend. you are a
faithful sister and a shining example to other daughters of God. i’ve
said it yesterday, and i’ll say it again — blessed is the man who you
will choose to spend the rest of your life with.
Taxiiiiiiiii
Owing to the fact that I still don’t like to drive up to now, notwithstanding the offer for car incentive by my company I’ve
taken to commuting rather seriously. It’s such a hassle, really, but I
figured, better to be hassled commuting than to be stressed out driving.
Besides, there are days when commuting becomes surprisingly fun that
you just can’t help but blog about it. In fact, my friend Rosa has been
urging me write about my commuting (mis)adventures because she knows
how colorful my life as a commuter can sometimes get.
I remember one time when I rode an FX on my way home and the driver wanted us (his passengers) to go down right in the middle of the flood because he didn’t want to proceed anymore. But I was then wearing my new pair of gold shoes so I decided that I will not allow myself (and my shoes) to be bullied just like that. So I had to speak up and invoke what I vaguely remembered from my two units of Transpo law(which was 1/4 of a unit, actually, given how my professor conducted the class). I told him he cannot do that legally because he was a common carrier (yes, I used that term on the poor FX driver) and when he berated me for not showing him a copy of the law, I retorted by saying, “Bakit, ang doktor ba laging may dalang gamot?” As if on cue, some crazy guy inside the FX deemed it proper to applaud me and all the rest followed just like in the movies. The argument ended and we all silently reached our destination. I swear, these things happen only to me.
And then , when the entire Metro Manila was stuck in traffic because of unexpected heavy rains, the driver of the cab I was riding was being rude and kept complaining about the traffic as if I was the one who caused it. He urged me to go down and take the LRT instead, and since I was so tired to argue, I took the less antagonistic approach and told this lie in my pitiful voice, “Hindi ho ako pwede mag LRT. Buntis ho ako” He became nice and polite after that. I texted a friend about it and she replied, “I swear, these drivers have a way of bringing out the best and the worst in you.” I simply had to concur.
But with all my funny anecdotes, today’s cab driver took the cake. I knew from the way he was singing along with the song “This girl has turned into a woman” that he was— you’ll never believe this— gay! A gay cab driver, how cool is that? He made all these witty remarks that had me laughing all the way. Like when a truck was moving ever so slowly in front of us, he said with all the gayness he could muster, “Ay mamang truck, wag mo ko harangan, chuchurvahin kitaaaa!” and then he stepped on the gas, overtook the truck, stopped at the next red light and said “Ay, na-tense ako teh, kala ko, aabutan na tayo dun ng three-o-clock habit!” Haha. He also asked me what my job was and when I answered, he turned to look at me as if to size me up, and said “Bongga!!! Astig-astigan ang lola! Pakkkk!” But the classic line was when he drove through the maze of jeepneys along Faura and, upon finally reaching the gate of my office, he inhaled deeply and said dramatically in his bedroom voice “O di ba? Parang Imortal lang!” Haha.
I wasted no time giving him a tip and telling him in Tagalog that some gays annoy, some impress, but he downright made my day. What else would he reply but this: Echossss!
I remember one time when I rode an FX on my way home and the driver wanted us (his passengers) to go down right in the middle of the flood because he didn’t want to proceed anymore. But I was then wearing my new pair of gold shoes so I decided that I will not allow myself (and my shoes) to be bullied just like that. So I had to speak up and invoke what I vaguely remembered from my two units of Transpo law(which was 1/4 of a unit, actually, given how my professor conducted the class). I told him he cannot do that legally because he was a common carrier (yes, I used that term on the poor FX driver) and when he berated me for not showing him a copy of the law, I retorted by saying, “Bakit, ang doktor ba laging may dalang gamot?” As if on cue, some crazy guy inside the FX deemed it proper to applaud me and all the rest followed just like in the movies. The argument ended and we all silently reached our destination. I swear, these things happen only to me.
And then , when the entire Metro Manila was stuck in traffic because of unexpected heavy rains, the driver of the cab I was riding was being rude and kept complaining about the traffic as if I was the one who caused it. He urged me to go down and take the LRT instead, and since I was so tired to argue, I took the less antagonistic approach and told this lie in my pitiful voice, “Hindi ho ako pwede mag LRT. Buntis ho ako” He became nice and polite after that. I texted a friend about it and she replied, “I swear, these drivers have a way of bringing out the best and the worst in you.” I simply had to concur.
But with all my funny anecdotes, today’s cab driver took the cake. I knew from the way he was singing along with the song “This girl has turned into a woman” that he was— you’ll never believe this— gay! A gay cab driver, how cool is that? He made all these witty remarks that had me laughing all the way. Like when a truck was moving ever so slowly in front of us, he said with all the gayness he could muster, “Ay mamang truck, wag mo ko harangan, chuchurvahin kitaaaa!” and then he stepped on the gas, overtook the truck, stopped at the next red light and said “Ay, na-tense ako teh, kala ko, aabutan na tayo dun ng three-o-clock habit!” Haha. He also asked me what my job was and when I answered, he turned to look at me as if to size me up, and said “Bongga!!! Astig-astigan ang lola! Pakkkk!” But the classic line was when he drove through the maze of jeepneys along Faura and, upon finally reaching the gate of my office, he inhaled deeply and said dramatically in his bedroom voice “O di ba? Parang Imortal lang!” Haha.
I wasted no time giving him a tip and telling him in Tagalog that some gays annoy, some impress, but he downright made my day. What else would he reply but this: Echossss!
Almost Doesn't Count
It doesn’t matter that it wasn’t consummated.
There are things that are not meant to be consummated, anyway.
It doesn’t matter that it felt like I was left hanging midway.
I’m not sure of I would have wanted to see it all the way, anyway.
It doesn’t matter that I’m left with the could have beens.
What could still be is more important, anyway.
It doesn’t matter if it looks imagined or contrived.
That could be true, anyway.
I guess my point is, after all is said and done,
I’m not gonna make it less than what it actually is.
Because I still believe that contrary to the popular song, Almost Does Count.
At least to me, it does.
There are things that are not meant to be consummated, anyway.
It doesn’t matter that it felt like I was left hanging midway.
I’m not sure of I would have wanted to see it all the way, anyway.
It doesn’t matter that I’m left with the could have beens.
What could still be is more important, anyway.
It doesn’t matter if it looks imagined or contrived.
That could be true, anyway.
I guess my point is, after all is said and done,
I’m not gonna make it less than what it actually is.
Because I still believe that contrary to the popular song, Almost Does Count.
At least to me, it does.
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