Thank You Jewel for All the HK

As a kid, I don't remember ever having any Hello Kitty, save for some stationery, clips, and an exquisite toothbrush holder with glass and toothpaste given to me by my Ninang when I was in Grade 2. The toothbrush set didn't last long because my sister threw it in one of her crazy fits. Of course it broke into pieces and I shed real tears for hours. Even if I wanted a replacement, I knew that Sanrio was not a priority. There were three of us to send to college and I understood perfectly. I didn't grovel. (In hindsight, maybe I should have! ha ha)

Ergo, I started to enjoy HK when I could already afford it. My purchases are usually functional - a purse, a notebook and pen, and a HK Victoria Casal watch on my birthday. It is my fun, feisty, female friend, Kitty, who spoils me with all the fun stuff. In the last five years, I have accumulated HK earrings, bag, gloss, erasers, nail file, clip, purse, ballpen. My collection is still a far cry from Kitty Mama's (www.okasaneko.wordpress.com) but substantial enough to bequeath to my daughter! 

In my excitement at the gifts that Jewel gave me for Christmas, I almost missed the card where she wrote her note of thanks. She said thanks for the "warm, giving, rollicking friendship" and how she felt "honored to keep you as a friend because you're one of the strongest, bravest persons I know''. 

Wow, thank you Jewel for the very kind words, though I really don't see myself as brave or strong. I guess I just trained myself to wake up each day and go through the motions of living. At least, the pain has lessened considerably over the past months. I have come to understand that some things won't go your way, even if you're a good person, or even if you think you deserve better. I've learned that when you've done your best and loved like you never have, you can walk away without guilt. You have to surrender. So I accepted, knowing that I did what I was supposed to do. The love does not go away and is not wasted even with the separation. Nothing good is ever wasted. When sh*t did happen, I just remembered to breathe. Sure, I felt like crap for many days; sometimes, I still feel robbed. The thing is, despite everything that happened, I see life as a gift. I know that I have to try and find ways to make my sh*tty life, meaningful - - by looking for causes and projects worth pursuing or wrapping Christmas gifts as early as August or by collecting HK in mid-life. I owe it to Clara to keep trying each day. 

Thank you too, Jewel, for helping me try and of course, for all the fun HK stuff that has more than compensated for my HK-deprived years.

Meet Wif Superstars

when D generously offered to book two hotel rooms for our group's Christmas Party, everyone cleared their schedule to make the overnight possible. this group is a busy lot: one lawyer, one doctor, one store manager, one operations manager, one with crazy UK schedule, and two in upper management - so i was quite surprised when all replied with a resounding "yes!"

the only problem was some didn't want it to be a Christmas Party, not just yet. the reason: they haven't started shopping for gifts yet! hahaha. they know me so well! party = presents!!!

so this was our non-Christmas party. after all, we were celebrating their birthdays, so it turned out to be one belated and one advanced, with an uber yummy cake and a pile of food (as you can very well see on the picture) to share among good friends.

sometimes i can't help but wonder what i did to deserve such an amazing group of friends.

All I Want For Christmas is...

… an extended vacation where I can do whatever I want and go wherever I go and choose the people who can reach me.

… a girl friday who will do all my Christmas shopping and errands, and maybe even attend on my behalf the parties I don’t wanna go to.

… a magic ball that will show me what 2013 will be like, so that I’ll know whether the things I’m investing my time and effort on now will eventually bear fruit.

… the wherewithal to say goodbye to things/situations that no longer work.

…  the right words to say to finally seal The Deal.

… a pleasant surprise in whatever form.

… a diet or workout routine I can stick to for the rest of my life.

…a miracle that will turn me into all the things I wanna be: athletic, fit, domesticated.

… a magic carpet that will enable me to avoid this horrible December traffic

… a really good massage that will put away all the stress of 2012

… a nice haircut that will make me look fresh and young

… real development in matters concerning A.

… indulging without feeling guilty

… the ability to duplicate myself so that I can be where I should be and where I want to be at the same time

… and the only material thing on my list, hence the only thing I can do something about: a purple ipod nano.

I know it would take a lot to get even just half of all these, but hey, it’s Christmas.  A girl can dream. 

Dear Ex

you will not be as prominent as you used to be; maybe not anymore or ever. i have somehow found it in my heart to accept that and have slowly lived with it. sometimes though, i still wish that i didn't have to do all these; but all in the name of what`s right and acceptable; of what`s fair and necessary- i did. i am doing great so far, amidst all these --- and i can see that so you are. i am proud of us. if cupid were real, his bow and arrow didn't get the better of us;-) i wish only the best for each of our separate paths ♥...

wala lang, its so not normal to have 250 hits in one entry....i think i owe it to him :)

Things Remembered

gin blossoms and "as long as it matters". ketchup fries. road trip to tagaytay. the blue-green corolla. you letting me drive your car even if i was hardly able to drive. long conversations on tuesday nights. my exes hating you. your exes hating me back. a really bad pirated copy of dos ekis. beeper 150. flat tops. summer at taal when the dog barked in the middle of the night. chess games. basketball and 21. a single pink rose for every single time i got depressed. tuesday nights. that webby flesh between my fingers. deciding not to. sharing the same last name. when we tried and when we let go. promising to be best friends. 160 kph at skyway. algeciras st. one burgundy place. long distance calls. everyone believing you were mayabang. 

i don't have pictures of us together in the  last 10 years. i don't have your cards and letters anymore. i don't have anything to remind me of the 14 years of friendship, except for your rotc medal which you made me keep. 

it's still there in my bedside drawer. when i go home this weekend i'll see it again. i'd get to feel its cold metal against my fingertips. the gold has turned a bit rusty now, but i remember how you were so proud of it. you told me to keep it until the day comes that you ask for it. 

we'll see each other again this saturday, my best bud. i'll bring it with me and i'll show it to you, how i never forgot our promises. i hope i can show it to your mom and dad, to cheche, cedric, chaycee, and chico, and tell them that they had all the reasons in the world to be proud of you. i hope i can pin it on your shirt and tell you that the time has come for me to give it back to you.