I had a really stressful day yesterday. Aside from this MOA that I’ve been losing sleep on (government contracts are way too complicated than ordinary contracts, I swear. It’s due diligence to the millionth power), I was also working on a legal opinion which, I’m certain, won’t sit well with the higher ups. Add to that the fact that I’ve been getting the impression that I’m too kind in the office, so everytime I ask for assistance from the staff, I don’t get prioritized.
(Note : im now part of a Singapore Based Company which I worked before and had the guts to entrust the Incorporation at my beck :) since my Boss heard that im staying in Philippines for good)
Which brings me to my point.
When I was connected with a financial institution years ago, I had the same issue with my secretary who always attended to my concerns last. She was also the secretary of another associate and I noticed that every time I’d give her an assignment, she would finish her assignments for the other avp first before working on mine. The same thing happened in my last job. And now, I’m starting to see the same pattern emerging in my current job.
I was thinking about this yesterday and I realized that maybe I’m too kind. Maybe I should start being mean— you know, like the girl who gets the corner office, according to the book. Maybe, as my friend Bing puts it, it’s time to “put the position in my position” and show them how I should be treated by demanding more. So much for being the kind lawyer.
So there I was, on my way to a meeting last night, thinking about these things and planning on how to execute it, when someone points out to me that I’m actually masungit. Yes, masungit was how he described me. And I was like, whoa, where did that come from?
I know I’ve been called a lot of things before, to wit:
1. Bratty, by my friends who have to put up with my mood swings;
2. Argumentative, by my mom who thinks I don’t let her have the last say in any argument;
3. Assertive, by the litigation resident in my previous office which he actually meant as a compliment;
4. Sarcastic, by a masteral school blockmate who told another blockmate, “Wow, you’re even more sarcastic than Lorie
5. Opinionated, by people I’ve worked with in my previous community; and
6. Mataray, by A. but he said it in jest which was his form of lambing (yiheee!)
But masungit?
Masungit is a word you use to describe Bella Flores, or your math teacher in grade two who made you stand in the corner because you couldn’t give the right answer to 8 x 7=? (I obviously speak from experience. Haha) So when I heard that I was masungit, I immediately asked for factual basis, and he cited that one time I was complaining to someone and I allegedly shouted at that person.
To be honest, I don’t remember shouting during that incident. Maybe I was carried away, maybe I just raised my voice a little, maybe I was being more assertive than usual. So I texted some friends to ask if they think I’m masungit. One said yes, but there’s nothing wrong with that. The other said no, but qualified her answer. Another one said yes, but only when I don’t get what I want. And one said no, in fact I’m the sweetest friend she knows.
And since I knew I’d lose sleep over it if I don’t ask further, I texted the person who told me I was masungit and asked if he was serious when he said that. He said yes, but I can be kind sometimes.
Sometimes?
Fine.
Still not satisfied, I called a friend to discuss it with her (yes, it WAS that big of a deal for me) and we both figured out that there’s assertive, and there’s masungit, and they’re totally different, and I definitely fall under the first category. I was kinda appeased by that, but then when I was about to sleep, I realized that if you end up offending people either way, then the distinction between assertive and masungit doesn’t really matter. Because to them, it’s the same, and you end up being the person who hurts people with your words or your manner of speaking. And I thought, well, I can be a lot of things, but I don’t wanna be that person. Not anymore.
So I promised myself (and God) that I’ll be more patient and gentle now. Even if I don’t get what I want or what I deserve. Even if I’m already seething inside because of the unfairness of the situation. Even if I can enumerate all the causes of action in my head at the sight of an injustice. I will be kind and patient but still make my point without raising my voice.
I’ll change starting today. So that when I look at myself like I did yesterday, I won’t see both sides of me anymore because there’ll be just one side— the kind, gentle, patient, forbearing side.
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