Thank You Jewel for All the HK

As a kid, I don't remember ever having any Hello Kitty, save for some stationery, clips, and an exquisite toothbrush holder with glass and toothpaste given to me by my Ninang when I was in Grade 2. The toothbrush set didn't last long because my sister threw it in one of her crazy fits. Of course it broke into pieces and I shed real tears for hours. Even if I wanted a replacement, I knew that Sanrio was not a priority. There were three of us to send to college and I understood perfectly. I didn't grovel. (In hindsight, maybe I should have! ha ha)

Ergo, I started to enjoy HK when I could already afford it. My purchases are usually functional - a purse, a notebook and pen, and a HK Victoria Casal watch on my birthday. It is my fun, feisty, female friend, Kitty, who spoils me with all the fun stuff. In the last five years, I have accumulated HK earrings, bag, gloss, erasers, nail file, clip, purse, ballpen. My collection is still a far cry from Kitty Mama's (www.okasaneko.wordpress.com) but substantial enough to bequeath to my daughter! 

In my excitement at the gifts that Jewel gave me for Christmas, I almost missed the card where she wrote her note of thanks. She said thanks for the "warm, giving, rollicking friendship" and how she felt "honored to keep you as a friend because you're one of the strongest, bravest persons I know''. 

Wow, thank you Jewel for the very kind words, though I really don't see myself as brave or strong. I guess I just trained myself to wake up each day and go through the motions of living. At least, the pain has lessened considerably over the past months. I have come to understand that some things won't go your way, even if you're a good person, or even if you think you deserve better. I've learned that when you've done your best and loved like you never have, you can walk away without guilt. You have to surrender. So I accepted, knowing that I did what I was supposed to do. The love does not go away and is not wasted even with the separation. Nothing good is ever wasted. When sh*t did happen, I just remembered to breathe. Sure, I felt like crap for many days; sometimes, I still feel robbed. The thing is, despite everything that happened, I see life as a gift. I know that I have to try and find ways to make my sh*tty life, meaningful - - by looking for causes and projects worth pursuing or wrapping Christmas gifts as early as August or by collecting HK in mid-life. I owe it to Clara to keep trying each day. 

Thank you too, Jewel, for helping me try and of course, for all the fun HK stuff that has more than compensated for my HK-deprived years.

Meet Wif Superstars

when D generously offered to book two hotel rooms for our group's Christmas Party, everyone cleared their schedule to make the overnight possible. this group is a busy lot: one lawyer, one doctor, one store manager, one operations manager, one with crazy UK schedule, and two in upper management - so i was quite surprised when all replied with a resounding "yes!"

the only problem was some didn't want it to be a Christmas Party, not just yet. the reason: they haven't started shopping for gifts yet! hahaha. they know me so well! party = presents!!!

so this was our non-Christmas party. after all, we were celebrating their birthdays, so it turned out to be one belated and one advanced, with an uber yummy cake and a pile of food (as you can very well see on the picture) to share among good friends.

sometimes i can't help but wonder what i did to deserve such an amazing group of friends.

All I Want For Christmas is...

… an extended vacation where I can do whatever I want and go wherever I go and choose the people who can reach me.

… a girl friday who will do all my Christmas shopping and errands, and maybe even attend on my behalf the parties I don’t wanna go to.

… a magic ball that will show me what 2013 will be like, so that I’ll know whether the things I’m investing my time and effort on now will eventually bear fruit.

… the wherewithal to say goodbye to things/situations that no longer work.

…  the right words to say to finally seal The Deal.

… a pleasant surprise in whatever form.

… a diet or workout routine I can stick to for the rest of my life.

…a miracle that will turn me into all the things I wanna be: athletic, fit, domesticated.

… a magic carpet that will enable me to avoid this horrible December traffic

… a really good massage that will put away all the stress of 2012

… a nice haircut that will make me look fresh and young

… real development in matters concerning A.

… indulging without feeling guilty

… the ability to duplicate myself so that I can be where I should be and where I want to be at the same time

… and the only material thing on my list, hence the only thing I can do something about: a purple ipod nano.

I know it would take a lot to get even just half of all these, but hey, it’s Christmas.  A girl can dream. 

Dear Ex

you will not be as prominent as you used to be; maybe not anymore or ever. i have somehow found it in my heart to accept that and have slowly lived with it. sometimes though, i still wish that i didn't have to do all these; but all in the name of what`s right and acceptable; of what`s fair and necessary- i did. i am doing great so far, amidst all these --- and i can see that so you are. i am proud of us. if cupid were real, his bow and arrow didn't get the better of us;-) i wish only the best for each of our separate paths ♥...

wala lang, its so not normal to have 250 hits in one entry....i think i owe it to him :)

Things Remembered

gin blossoms and "as long as it matters". ketchup fries. road trip to tagaytay. the blue-green corolla. you letting me drive your car even if i was hardly able to drive. long conversations on tuesday nights. my exes hating you. your exes hating me back. a really bad pirated copy of dos ekis. beeper 150. flat tops. summer at taal when the dog barked in the middle of the night. chess games. basketball and 21. a single pink rose for every single time i got depressed. tuesday nights. that webby flesh between my fingers. deciding not to. sharing the same last name. when we tried and when we let go. promising to be best friends. 160 kph at skyway. algeciras st. one burgundy place. long distance calls. everyone believing you were mayabang. 

i don't have pictures of us together in the  last 10 years. i don't have your cards and letters anymore. i don't have anything to remind me of the 14 years of friendship, except for your rotc medal which you made me keep. 

it's still there in my bedside drawer. when i go home this weekend i'll see it again. i'd get to feel its cold metal against my fingertips. the gold has turned a bit rusty now, but i remember how you were so proud of it. you told me to keep it until the day comes that you ask for it. 

we'll see each other again this saturday, my best bud. i'll bring it with me and i'll show it to you, how i never forgot our promises. i hope i can show it to your mom and dad, to cheche, cedric, chaycee, and chico, and tell them that they had all the reasons in the world to be proud of you. i hope i can pin it on your shirt and tell you that the time has come for me to give it back to you.

Ten Things I Know To Be True

A few weeks ago,  a friend shared with me a Sarah Kaye video where she spoke about the ten things she knows to be true. The video is brilliant (check it on You Tube if you haven’t seen it yet) and it made me think right away about my own list. She said it doesn’t have to be profound. In fact, you just have to list down the first ten things that come to your mind because they’re probably the most honest answers.

Here’s mine:

1. That God loves me;

2. That I want a career where I can help poor people;

3. That I love chocolates;

4. That I miss Chio and life have not been  the same without him;

5. That I have good friends;

6. That my family is my greatest blessing;

7. That I will be happy if I can be a speechwriter like Jon Favreau or a photographer like Sarah Black;

8. That being funny and plain looking is way better than being pretty but boring;

9. That I can live a simple life and be content;

10. That the best is yet to come.

It’s amazing how coming up with this list enabled me to see the things that are important to me and the things that I still believe in. So I’m not a skeptic, after all. And contrary to what I sometimes believe about myself, I’m really not ambitious. And somewhere beneath my doubts and my apprehensions which have been aggravated by all the things that didn’t come my way, there’s a deep conviction that God loves me. Because that was really— in all honesty and without any hesitation—the first thing that came to mind as I was writing down this list. And  I guess when you know that to be true, a whole list of all things good and beautiful will inevitably follow.  ;)

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Long Happy List

1. A trip to National Bookstore on a rainy weekend, to buy stuff for the Rotary's projects . National Bookstore is one of the few remaining stores where your P100 still goes a long way. And it has branches  near home so we don’t even have to go in a mall. I hate going to malls on weekends and would rather spend the time with my books somewhere more creative.

2. If You Come Softly by Jacqueline Woodson. Heartbreaking in the way only teen romance novels can be. (Yes, I still read this genre. I gobble them up in one sitting.)

3. Lift by Kelly Corrigan. It’s a long letter from a mommy to her little girls, so they’ll remember how their childhood was when they’re all grown up. Poignant and funny in the way only motherhood can be. So good I finished it in one sleepless night.

4. Luminarc glasses from Gourdo’s, in the blue shade I JUST LOVE. I used to have this Breakfast at Tiffany’s kind of thing with all things homeware

5. Krispy Kremes from MIB, that everyone but him munches on while we meet and discuss work updates. On hindsight, it was kind of embarrassing that I finished both the Snickers and Oreos donuts in the span of the meeting, in front of the boss who just sipped his tea as usual. Groan.

6. Sharing private jokes with MIB, as well as emails that are clearly not meant to be seen by anyone else in the office, and adjectives that  kids will easily censor as Bad Words. I was also close to my other favorite bosses, but they were more like mentors to me, whereas MIB is more like a friend. Imagine my surprise and joy. Haha. I guess it’s the fact that we’re the in same age bracket. Or maybe he’s just really a cool person. I love MIB. Have I already said that? I love MIB.

7. Another dear friend moving on from MWC. It’s a good company, no doubt, but I’m happy when my friends find something better and with the potential to make them happier. I was also touched that he sought my advice before he came up with The Decision. He’d call and we talked for hours. Owww. I love this guy. (The same thing happened with Lala altho our communication was by email and three-way with Babette. Thom is mad at me that I know about these major, major resignations months before he does and he’s the one in MWC. Haha.)

8. The famous sylvanas from Dumaguete from Karen. Not too sweet, just the right level of soft and crunchy, and over-all so yummy. Better than my favorites from Beard Papa.

9. Butterscotch and barquillos from Iloilo from Anji. I’ve never had staff who were so well-travelled, I’m telling you.

10. Quiet dinner, air time on work dramas, and a lot of hand-holding with "insert secret****  at Tokyo Cafe. All the stresses and sadness of life are manageable bcoz he' is with me everyday.

11. Emailing Mumi about every little thing, from Bambi biting Asians to seafood chowder to finding the perfect pair of polka dot tights from Kids of Bayo, to go with my Hello Kitty tutu. (I told you I get a lot of goodies from the kids’ section.)

12. Amy Winehouse CD from Chestnuts. She was a real talent gone too soon. He also brings me and the boys revel bar, butterscotch, andchicharon from his office tiangge. (I miss the MWC tiangge all of a sudden.)

13. Pro bono and not to mention topnotch legal advice from Jon even if he is all tied up and all the way in KL, about this legal query that I’m working on for a friend. Jon has been ever reliable like this since law school. (I’m not going to say since college bcoz he hardly showed up in class then. We called him The Absentee Heartthrob behind his back. Haha.)

14. Lunch with Karen at Kanin Club after a board meeting. I’ve already gotten a lot of positive feedback about her from the bosses this early in the relationship. To think I thought twice before hiring her bcoz she was from Poveda and I was worried she would be too rich for us. (Haha. Me and my prejudices.) She’s smart, quiet, and conscientious, and I’ve found we also have a lot of things in common – 

15. A visit from Thom to catch up over dinner. He brought me Moon Leaf milk tea (my new obsession courtesy of him) in yet another yummy flavor – wintermelon. I’ve already tried his other recommendations like hakka and tiramisu but I still prefer the caramel bcoz it’s the sweetest. Haha. He brought me and Clara cashews, too. Where would Clara and I get our regular cashew supply when Tito Thom moves to the US? (Don’t go, Enteng ...)

16. Dinner with Ches at Eat and Go. It’s one of the new places in the Atrium. I wanted to try it bcoz their specialty was some English thing called salmon pie. It was no great shakes, tho. I ordered the parmesan-crusted salmon with pasta and veggies, while Ches had one of the pies. I guess I was turned off bcoz the owner furtively scolded his staff when he thought no one was looking. (Hello, Mr. Hotshot Chinese Owner! Even if your food was heavenly and cheap – which it was neither – but you were mean to your employees, I so would not go back to your resto.)

17. That it’s already the middle of October and I’m still filling up these Happy Lists week after week. Sometimes I’d get to Thursday already and would have only like three things listed in my Moleskine, but then one happy thing after another happens, and I end up with a long, long list, anyway. God is truly so generous and good

Abigail

When we got home from SG, Ann got herself a cat. She's a stray who comes around the dirty kitchen at the back at meal time. We feed her, and she's been visiting us regularly since.

We call her Abigail. She sometimes comes with another cat, too. We  think it's Abigail's boyfriend. They call him Doodles. These are all in honor of Mumi's beloved dog, Tito Bryan's Abby a.k.a., Abbadoodles.

The thing about Abigail is - she's pregnant all the time. I don't know how long cats stay pregnant before they give birth, but I do know that Abigail is pregnant a lot. Abigail's tummy is bulging one week, and the next month she's all slim again, and then we see her pregnant again. We don't know where she keeps her litter and we don't hear her howling away at night looking for some lovin'. She's a mystery. She's like a transient guest who decides to grace us with her presence as she pleases.

Ches and I ruminate about Abigail's mating habits when we have nothing better to do. On the one hand, she's getting a lot and seems perfectly happy being knocked up on a regular basis. On the other hand, she's the perfect poster cat for the RH Bill. Hahaha.

Frustration Over Indifference

here i was at landmark, wasting precious time as the cashier (vainly) attempted to find an additional ten centavos. you see, she had "proudly" handed me my change, proclaiming it to be exact until i pointed out that she had given me two five-centavo coins, making her short ten centavos.

her defense, "i thought they were ten centavo coins." which, seriously, how could you go wrong, right? i mean one has a hole in the middle?!?!? so i waited, and waited, and waited for my ten centavos. for some reason she wouldn't open her drawer but attempted to persuade the others to open theirs (there were three other cashiers). in the end, i walked out in a huff. it was taking her forever, and i think she was enjoying it.

now i know that thought running through the minds of the cashier, the checker, and the other people in the area was that i was being petty. after all, it was just ten centavos. even the pulubis on the street would scoff at you if you were to give them change as small as that. i didn't know either, until i read market man's blog and realized that if there was one thing i shared with this amazing blogger, it was his motto:


choose frustration over indifference

and that was what i was doing exactly. i refused to accept the fact that the cashier short-changed me.

over the past couple of months, i've been struggling to develop what i learned to be "holy indifference". you see, in the catholic singles community where i belong, one of the major teachings is to preserve relationships over results. having spent a chunk of my professional life with the opus dei, it was pretty difficult letting go and letting things be. if you've been to any institution run by the opus dei, you'd know that not only are they precise, on time, and perfectionists, but they believe that if something must be done, then it must be done well. so, i never really developed the skill to be indifferent; rather, i thrived on pushing, pounding, and hitting until things wouldn't have a choice but to go right.

of course, they never do. that's how life is. so i spend a lot of time being frustrated: about how everyone's always tardy, about how things are almost always planned the last minute, about how you really should not count on certain people cause their heads are just up out there in the clouds. while others could easily say, "at least we learned over the experience," i couldn't. rather i'd push and push and push and frustrate myself enough to tear my hair out.

reading market man's rant, and eventually his motto, i was struck by the fact that yes, i too am one of those people who'd choose frustration over indifference at any given time. so what if ford edsa refuses to acknowledge their oh-so-poor service. i would spend hours on end tracking down the manager of the service department and give him woe for the poor service that they did. i would call and call and call service hotlines to complain, and when the customer service assistant is being especially useless, i'd be the one who'd spend a good 45 minutes waiting for the supervisor to come on the line so i can bit his head off for his team's lack of abilities. and yes, i'm the one who'd fill out customer satisfaction surveys - restaurants, hotels, airlines - because if they care enough to have these surveys, then i should do my part by telling them things they ought to hear, even if they don't really want to hear it.

yes, the frustration had added wrinkles onto my face. and yes, the frustration has turned most (if not all) of my hair gray. but i don't care. the day i become indifferent is the day i die. until then, i will allow myself to be frustrated. 

and btw - i got into an accident yesterday. my four-month old car is now officially not scar-free. hopefully my insurance will come through.

The Year Of Magical Thinking

“Life changes in an instant. The ordinary instant.”

Thus began The Year of Magical Thinking, a book I started to read and couldn’t continue reading because it was so close to home, but couldn’t leave unfinished as well for the very same reason.

I’ve been curious about this book for so long but never got around to reading it. So when I visited Jewel’s house a few weeks ago and saw it on her bookshelf, I just had to borrow it. And that’s when I knew that the reason why I never it read before is because I wouldn’t have appreciated it then the way I do now.

The book is about the death of a loved one, in this case, of the author Joan Didion’s husband for forty years. It is so excellently, wonderfully, brilliantly written that I don’t deem myself worthy of reviewing it, except to say that it was so excellently, wonderfully, brilliantly written. (I guess the fact that I repeated myself in one sentence just proves how it was , indeed, excellently, wonderfully, brilliantly written. Sorry, I couldn’t resist that). So this is not a review, but a recommendation to all those who are experiencing or have experienced grief to read the book. Among the books I’ve read on the topic of grief— and I’ve read so many, believe me— this ranks high up there, possibly next only to CS Lewis’sA Grief Observed.  I personally have a lot to thank Ms. Didion for because she lent voice to all the emotions I cannot even verbalize. I particularly resonated with these words from her book:

” Until now I had been able only to grieve, not mourn. Grief was passive. Grief happened. Mourning, the act of dealing with grief, required attention. Until now there had been every urgent reason to obliterate any attention that might otherwise have been paid, banish the thought, bring fresh adrenaline to bear on the crisis of the day.”

I read these lines a few days ago, just when I was beginning to realize that 5 months after he left, I haven’t been paying serious attention to how I can turn his leaving into a celebration of life. And while I cry and allow myself to be sad every time I remember him, I haven’t been handling grief in a manner that leads to mourning, which, I think, is the only way I can move past the paralyzing effect of my loss.

There’s a lot more to be said about the book,but I’m afraid my words won’t give

justification to the masterpiece that it actually is. So instead, I’ll end this by saying thank you to Ms. Didion for pointing out to me what nobody else has pointed out: That maybe I have grieved enough; it’s now my time to mourn.

The Decision

I realized this morning that it’s already the second week of October which means that I have to decide soon if I still want to pursue this little project I started two years ago.  (Actually, it’s huge but I’m pretending that it’s not, being the denial queen that I am. Haha)  You see, two years ago, I decided to pursue further studies, Master of Business Ad to be exact, in US., but due to an unfortunate series of events  the farthest I got was getting an admission in a New York based university (my first choice), being wait listed in an Ivy League school (a long shot, in the first place) and gaining conditional admission in another reputable university in Nashville. Anyway, all of these plans had to be shelved because of the circumstances I mentioned above. And now, I have to decide whether or not I should extend my deferment in the New York based university. Or more to the point, I have to clarify with them if my deferment is still renewable for the next term.

I have to be honest and say that I seem to have temporarily lost my drive for this pursuit.  I know so because I no longer feel excited thinking about it. In fact, if you ask me now which school I would want to go to, I’d probably pick the university in Nashville (my third choice) and only because I want to take good pictures while I’m there. That’s how distracted I am.

In other words, my heart is not in it anymore. Or maybe I should say, my heart is not in it yet, the presumption being that my heart will be in it again anytime soon. Hopefully.

Maybe the year has been very tiresome for me, so I want to give myself a break by being indolent (strong word but more or less accurate) for a change. Maybe I’ve grown tired of assuming responsibilities and I don’t want to run the risk of flunking out just because I’m not totally committed to studying at this point. Or maybe, I just want to be without plans in the meantime, although part of me is hoping that it will prove to be a very short meantime.

Anyhow, I think I’ve more or less decided that this particular project is archived for the time being. Until I find my drive again, until I get acquainted with my competitive spirit again, until I can sit again for hours writing a formidable essay that’s convincing enough to make the admissions committee think that they should pick me over hundreds of applicants and shell out money at the same time, I won’t even attempt to pursue this matter at this point.

I ask myself if I’m being irresponsible by behaving this way.  I answer myself in the negative. On the contrary, I think I’m being responsible by not pursuing something I cannot commit my entire self to just yet. So no regrets on my part. LLM— whether in New York or in Nashville or in some other unversity– can wait. What cannot wait is my desire to rest and give myself a break.

Wherefore, I’ll simply relax and do nothing in the meantime. And maybe take good pictures while I’m at it. 

Press Release :D

So you did find my blog. I’m impressed. Remind me to ask for your help the next time I want to cyber stalk someone who’s beyond my cyber stalking prowess, i.e. the love of my college school life who in the time of facebook and google still has no online presence until now. Haha. But I digress. The truth is, I kinda find funny the manner by which you let me know that you’ve found this blog. First, you asked if my nickname is ?Lorie, and then  you made fun of me and my air supply songs. And I remember thinking right there and then, ito na ang karma ko sa lahat ng pang-iistalk na ginawa ko dati sa crush ko. Haha. So thanks to this blog you now know all these useless information about me. Fine. That’s the point of blogging anyway-to let people witness my life for its events and non-events even though it’s actually 20% of the former and 80% of the latter. Haha.

As for your pending question which I didn’t get to answer earlier, some girls are unfaithful for the same reason men are: because they want the best of both worlds and they dont have the courage to choose what is best for them and to stick to that no matter what. And since infidelity is not gender specific,I’ll tell you the same thing I tell my female friends who are smilalry situated:if trust is the issue, then you know there’s no genuine issue. In other words, kailangan pa bang i-you know what yan? Haha. Move on, pick up the pieces, and cyber stalk if you must. With the help of Google, the search will soon be over. Haha.

Pwede Na

Sabi ko sa Twitter kahapon:

We evolve with our desires. That’s why the things/people we couldn’t have considered before, we can and will consider now. And that’s a good thing.

May konteksto kaya ko sinabi yun. Pero hindi ko na iisa-isahin yung mga bagay na hindi ko ginagawa dati pero ginagawa ko na ngayon. Baka magkabistuhan pa. Haha. Ang totoo, konti lang naman yun. Konti pero major. At kung kilala mo ako, alam mo kung ano para sa akin ang major.

Major yung naniniwala na ako ngayon na hindi dapat perfect ang sitwasyon para pasukin ko yun. Major din yung kaya ko na ngayon makita ang sarili ko na may ibang ksama na hindi sya (at kung regular reader ka ng blog ko, dapat alam mo na kung sino sya dahil isa lang ang “sya” sa blog na ‘to). Major din yung pwede ko na aminin ngayon sa sarili ko na hindi pala ako ganun ka-idealistic. At ang pinaka major, yung natatanggap ko na na wala pala akong napala sa pagiging idealistic ko dati.

Masaya nga sana kung nakuha ko lahat ng gusto ko— tamang timing, tamang tao, tamang plano. E kaso hindi. At okay lang yun. Kasi yung mga nakakuha ng gusto nila at naging masaya dun, hindi nila alam pano ang pakiramdam ng hindi nakuha ang gusto pero masaya pa din. Hindi nila alam na kung naghintay pa sila, pwede naman palang mag-iba na yung gusto nila at mas okay din yun.

Gaya ng nangyayari sa akin. Kung nakuha ko yung gusto ko dati, pano na yung gusto ko ngayon? E di hindi man lang sya naging option. At lahat ng iba pang options pagkatapos nya, hindi na din dadating. Parang ang lungkot nun.

Kaya ito ang pinakamasaya, nakakawindang at winner na major realization ko ngayon: We evolve with our desires.  Buti na lang. 

Speaking Too Soon

I should have expected my friends to “panic” upon reading my previous FB status. Within hours after posting it, some of them texted to ask what the context was  and whether it had something to do with this recent enchantment I was telling them about.

I had to be honest so I said yes. And within hours after saying that, some of them called and even asked to meet me in order to “put some sense into my head” and to “bring the sensible girl back.” Haha. I so love my friends for looking after me like that.

It’s not that I’m so into him. I told my friends, “Ito ang tinatawag na it’s just a little crush.” Haha. But my friends, well, they know me too well. They know that if I so much as even consider it, chances are, I will pursue it. And given who I am and who the person is, it’s very likely that I’ll regret it.

I wish I recorded everything they said. While some expressed their concern by advising that I make a full stop, others respected my decision but with a stern warning that I have to be careful because I probably have no idea what I’m getting myself into (again!?). But what really did it for me, what really convinced me to put an end to this, what really brought me back to my usual proper and sensible self.

And that was how it came to pass that in less than 24 hours after posting here that I’m ready to evolve with my desires, I came to my senses and realized that evolving connotes going from a lower level to a higher one. Which isn’t the case with this guy. And even if I know that I shouldn’t make A. the standard or the personification of everything that’s right for me, that doesn’t give me the option to settle for anything or anyone less than what I deserve.
So dear friends, you can all relax now. The sensible girl is back. ;)

Senior Moments

You know how it is when something significant happens, or you suddenly have an inspiring thought and you make a mental note that you’ll blog about it, but then days pass and you can’t remember anymore what it was that you wanted to blog about? That’s been happening a lot to me lately. I remember telling myself on my way to work the other day that I was going to write my thoughts about an incident, but then I reached the office and completely forgot what that was.

So I guess I’m officially old. Funny but for all my rants about it, I do not really mind being at this period of my life. After all, I was the girl who was in a hurry to grow up. I was that kill joy, feeling mature kid who refused to play in sandboxes in kindergarten because I preferred talking to adults instead. I was the seven year old who didn’t pay attention to cartoons on TV because reading gave me satisfaction more than anything else in the world. Yes, I was that obnoxious kid you all hated because she told people that being a helpless kid was such a waste of time. So now that I am old, I have no right at all to complain.

And that’s why I happily embrace this period of my life— senior moments, doble vista, and all. Pretty soon, I’ll be worrying about wrinkles and skin aging, but in all honesty, I’m not bothered at all. As long as I’m healthy and able to work well, all those physical signs of aging can’t put me down. The truth is, it’s much more fabulous to be at this age. It’s more fun to be in your 20s and be sure of what you want and how to get it. It’s so rewarding to be almost 30 and  able to say that you’ve learned your lessons and you’ve learned them well. This is the best of times. Thus says the girl who waited all her life to grow up and be old like this. 

So Little

And once again, a male friend called me high maintenance.

I really don’t know where that impression is coming from. Ask my female friends, and they’d tell you that I’m anything but high maintenance. I commute, for one thing (Taking a cab is technically commuting, right?). I eat anywhere (Kaya kong mabuhay sa KFC). And the one thing that makes me happy is chocolate, kahit choc nut lang yan. So really, where is that perception coming from?

The truth is, it takes so little to make me happy. And what men should know is that as long as we like you, we’re willing to let go of our preferences just for you. Case in point: I seriously considered relocating to J’s province, even when my friends were kidding me that I won’t survive there “dahil walang starbucks dun, blend 45 lang.” Haha. Of course, that love story didn’t prosper. But to this day, that episode reminds me of how much I can compromise for someone I like.

Wherefore, let’s put to rest that impression that I am “high maintenance.” Yes, I’m an accountant, but that’s just my job. At the end of the day, I go home, watch all those inane telenovelas, swoon over Xian Lim (may that guy never grow old and stay that way forever!), tweet my shallow random thoughts, and dream of a relationship with someone who knows exactly how to make me happy. It takes so little to do that, you know? So very little. 

T-G-I-S!

What I love most about Sundays aside from the fact that I don’t have to wake up really early is that I have more time to pray. Every Sunday morning, I take my time reading the gospel and the psalms for the day and unhurriedly meditate on them without being aware of the time. Sometimes I don’t even meditate at all. I just keep quiet and sit still as I feel the presence of God. ( You read it right, a feisty soul like mine do also pray)

Today was extraordinarily special. Maybe the tiring and emotionally exhausting week I just had made me look forward to this weekend more than I usually do. When I woke up this morning, all I could pray was a heartfelt thank you. Thank you that I made it through the week. Thank you that I didn’t allow my emotions to get the better of me. Thank you that the week was productive. And thank you that the answer I have been waiting for has come. And even though that answer means I should be making plans this early, I still have to say thank you because despite the uncertainties, I’m unbelievably at peace.

And then I realized as I was saying those prayers of thanksgiving that my faith these days is at an all time high. I can’t explain why. I just know that God has plans for me far beyond what I can see. And when I read the psalm for today, I grew in my conviction. ” But I trust in the Lord; my time is in thy hand.”

I used to have this obsessive  need to see the entire picture. Now, I just pray for enough light for the step I’m on. Maybe it’s my age, or my past experiences, or these two things combined that I am now able to just sit and enjoy the journey. Someone famous (I forgot who) once said that life is what happens when you’re planning something else. If I may twist that a little, life is what happens while I’m too busy to make plans. Come to think of it, none of the things that have happened to me since my father died was part of my plan. In fact, I think I resolved back then not to make plans anymore because I was just too tired to do so. Ironically, it was upon making that resolve that significant things started to happen. And because I didn’t plan them, it is easier to see God’s hand in everything.

It’s wonderful to be at my age and, with the benefit of hindsight, be able to look back and say with much faith that as stated in the psalms, my time is in God’s hands. There is no reason not trust him. 

My Kitty Half

It was before  year 2000 maybe when we were doing  loose pages by the window on one of the Humanitites project. Suddenly there was a strong wind and our papers flew out to the yard. She told me to go and get them and I did, without hesitation. As I bent down your pet monkey bit me on the nape.

I have that scar on my nape still.

This is not at all a sad memory for me. It makes me happy, actually, to know that, way back when I was still a little girl, I was already some kind of a hero. And I wear my little badge of courage on my nape to this day. Haha.

Sometimes it's hard for me to believe we're even friends. She used to be starstruck with Ricky Martin, back when he was still with Menudo and, er, straight. I couldn't stand pop even then. She spends HOURS on her hair. Me, I could never care less. If I so much as blow dry my hair before I meet someone, you can bet that someone is pretty special. Haha.  She's generous to everyone to a fault. No one will ever fault me for being too generous. She can get anal about even the littlest things like her handwriting. I've always been anything-goes, even with big-ticket items like my career. She makes a mean pinakbet, kaldereta, chicken pastel, buko pandan. I, uh, don't cook.

Oh, but we're also almost like twins in many ways. We are whom Yoshi calls Combined Maldita Powers. We're both feisty and cannot stand push-overs. We're both drama queens and crybabies. We both love to shop, travel, and eat bad, bad food. We're both obsessed with Hello Kitty and are the only two persons I know with Puroland (that's Hello Kitty land in Japan for you poor, benighted souls) in their travel bucket list. She's crazy over Rondo and the Celtics. I'm crazy, too, period.

She has always shared my joys about my family and friends and job. She knows my passions as well as her own - I never needed to tell her. She's my favorite person to be tragic with about family issues - she understands me best and knows exactly the perfect thing to say when we wallow in our pity parties. After Ches, she's the third person in the whole universe who loves me  the most. My family and all my friends who know her just absolutely love her.

Happy birthday, Atty. Hazel Ann "Jewel" Annonuevo! I may roll my eyes at you and call you The  Nazi Lawyer and tell everyone about how you murdered a Chowking manager - but the fact is, I'd still bend down and get bitten by a monkey for you, any given day.

You don't even have to say the word.