Three Ways of Falling

It was love at first sight with Adonis. I saw him for the first time at the 3rd floor of our law school library in UB his red shirt and Guess jeans and I immediately fell for him. Right there, right then. Maybe it’s because I was so young then—hopeful and still convinced of the merits of love— that I didn’t even resist my feelings even if I knew that college was the worst time and place to be in love. At any rate, it was a good experience; and one that made those four years more bearable and exciting than usual, even though we were never really together

With J, it was a natural progression. Given the nature of our relationship and the things we talked about, it was inevitable that I fall. In fact, my friends told me from the start that that was bound to happen. And they were right. It took me just a week to admit that I was falling. And apparently, it’s taking me a lifetime to get over that feeling.

And then there’s Prinze. Unlike with J and with A, this one actually took me by surprise. It definitely wasn’t love at first sight. And while it grew over time, it also wasn’t a case of natural progression. It sort of just crept from behind my back and totally caught me by surprise. In short, I was blindsided. I’ve been trying to make light of it by telling friends that as the song goes, “It’s just a little crush, not like I faint, every time we touch.” But then I literally woke up one day and realized that I could be falling and I’m not even aware of it. It’s wonderful and scary at the same time.

I know I can possibly give in to this feeling sooner or later. The question though is whether I will allow myself to do so. Because unlike in the case of A, I’m not so young anymore, which means that in matters of the heart, I’m as jaded as anyone can get. And unlike in the case of J, this one is so not natural. In fact this could be The Most Unexpected Love Affair of my Life.

I can list down a thousand reasons why this should not go on. But what good would that list be if I know that it can be easily trumped by this giddy feeling I get when I’m around him? I told a friend about this and she told me I do sound like a schoolgirl gushing over her crush. Analyzing how I feel and my reactions to what he does, I think my friend is right. Maybe it’s still just a little crush. Although I must admit, I feel like fainting now every time we touch. Haha. Apparently, crush takes on a whole new meaning when you’re twenty-something.

But still...i was bound not to love again :(