Just Because

Sometime, from my first job i once gave my crush a Christmas gift— Clinique Happy for Men — and wrote this dedication: Just because it’s Christmas, and it’s how I feel when I’m with you. Awww. You gotta hand it to me for coming up with such a cute albeit slightly cheesy line. The boy asked me out the following day. So me.

I always salute those girls who have so much confidence that they can actually do and say whatever they want to the men they like and get the response they aim for. Or even if they don’t get it, at least they get away with it. Me, it depends on the level of admiration. The most I’ve ever done to make my intentions known was to ask this guy to a place that cannot be named (because he might read this. Haha). Once we were there, however, I started acting like a girl barkada again, and nothing productive ever came out of it.

Maybe some girls just know how to elicit the proper reaction from men. Maybe some just have it in them to drop one-liners and manipulate the conversation until the guy they like find themselves falling for them just like that. I never really learned the rules of The Game. The few who pursued me did so without any encouragement coming from me. And the ones I wanted to encourage never seemed to get the hint. Haha.

My friends who are married and who are my age have been prodding me to be more accommodating for a change. The idea appeals to me, but I still don’t see myself doing it. Call me suplada, choosy, or anything, but it’s really not my style to put myself out there and fish. I see how younger girls do it, and I tell myself, if this is the competition, then I’m so not in the game. And the thing is, I don’t mind not being in the game at all. I guess I’m too old for that. Or too set in my ways. Or, to put it on a positive note, too happy with my life that if being with someone would still require the same effort I had exerted in my past relationship , then thanks but no thanks. To quote a celebrity, I’m single, and you have to be very very amazing to change that.

I guess in the end, we still go back to who we are and what we’re comfortable with. I was the girl who sat at the back of the class, absorbed in a good book, while my female classmates plotted ways to get the attention of the boys. And if my single hood now is the consequence of my being that way, then so be it. At least I don’t have to buy someone an expensive perfume this Christmas. And if I’m so inclined to buy a Happy perfume, then I will buy it for myself to send the message that right now, I genuinely feel happy.

Just because.