The Affair

This Monday got off to a slow start (how often does that happen?) so I found myself texting friends this morning about my current “affair.” Haha. ( At affair talaga ang tawag.) I told them there’s so much to feel kilig about, although it’s not the same as how I felt with "J" because we all know that I’ll marry J in a heartbeat if he asks me to. This, on the other hand, is more similar to that feeling I had when I was fourteen and received a love letter from my very first suitor— wrong grammar and all. Haha. In other words, it’s the feeling you know you shouldn’t take seriously because you know it won’t go anywhere, but you’d still entertain nonetheless because whether you admit it or not, it’s just plain HAPPY. I’m truly grateful for friends who share all the kilig moments with me. As for those who don’t, well, I can’t begrudge them for that. Such is life.

My friend who used to object to this “affair” but who was later on converted because she realized that it’s not as if there’s any legal or moral impediment to it, asked me if I will let my heart prevail over my mind this time. I told her I still have no answer to that but I’m just going with the flow. She said my mind has prevailed over my heart for so long; maybe it’s time to give my heart a chance. Awww. She has no idea how much that statement made me smile, especially coming from her.

Maybe this is me wanting to be reckless for once. Or me wanting to prove that it’s still possible to be carefree and happy. Or me realizing that the jaded days are over and it’s now okay to let someone in again, no matter how undefined the extent of that “letting in” may be. Or, maybe I’m just in crush, plain and simple. And it doesn’t hurt that he’s really good looking (unlike J. na dinaan ako sa personality. Haha!) and can light up the whole room with his smile. I guess, after a serious heartache that left me bitter for so long, I have all the right in the world to give myself a break. And judging from the way my heart skips a beat when I see him, it’s gearing up to be a really major, happy, giddy, i-get-so-weak-in-the-knees-type of break.

Pardon the cliche but this year, Christmas did come early.