Hit and Missed

Today, marks the day I dragged myself to take shower and go to work. And it was not even about work....it is about what happened last night.

It always pains me whenever people whom I learned to trust have failed me. These people I have welcomed into my life without any doubt and reservations. My conscience is clear - I did not in any bit done harm on them. I had always been on the look for my patience to not-to-run-out, be the understanding me....but, still they have the nerve to hurt me.

My eyes give ways to the clue on my state of being today. Starbucks boss is the only person who asked me what was wrong (though i felt the concern my finance family was), but even if he was the best/closest boss I have in my entire life, i deciDEDto keep mum. how can you tell him the ordeal that only you and your bestfriend share? you can't just give away facts about your life, even if it means suffering alone.

I am exagerrating...maybe overrating the pain Im going through. But, in all aspect of fairness and justice, those people have no single right to inflict pain on me or judge me. As I summarize the to do list : I need to do myself a favor .....let go!

Free myself from people that has been overlooking my feelings

Let go the memories that stricken out the possibility of something else.

Forgive myself for being nice. For being being stupid. For being true.

Today, i find hard able to find myself...my mind is nowhere near being into work or on reality. Can't wait for the 5:30 and be at home....sulk into crying till kingdom come. I will cry tonight as my last chance to cry. For everything. Past and present woes.

But, inspite of all the drama today, God is till good. He will be with me tonight. To get through with this. With an embrace in all of my solace and tears. Just like before.