Shield me from Pain

Whenever there is a friend who seeks advice petaining to issues of the heart, i quickly transform into a Doctor-Love most of the time. It is as if i am an expert on this department. A pretend person who wont be shaken by a mere "love problem". And most of the time, i would lead them believe on my advices albeit those were just sourced out from the books i read. Swabe!


Though i always failed when it comes to one option "You have learn to protect yourself from pain". Because i am the kind of soul, who whenever i smell any tiny sign that i'll just be hurt, my world automatically put up its wall between my fantasy and real world. In that way, i can pevent any calamity that could occur. Like what they say, "prevention is better than cure"

Halimbawa na lang. Sa isang sitwasyong may nakilala akong isang tao. Syempre sa umpisa ay pakikiramdaman ko muna kung may spark. Pag meron ay maaari ko itong ituloy-tuloy sa isang magandang pakikisama. Kapag nahulog na kasi ang loob ko sa isang tao, may tendency akong maging possessive at seloso – in a cute way naman. Hindi ko pinapakita o ipinahahalata. At wala din akong pinagsasabihan. In short, kinikimkim ko ang sama ng loob ko. In the same manner, sobra din akong magbigay ng pagmamahal. Hindi ako nagtitira para sa sarili ko. Kaya naman ang gusto ko eh patas lang din ang ibibigay sa akin. Kahit hindi sobra basta patas, totoo at walang pagaalinlangan. Sakto ba. Kaya kapag nakaramdam ako ng kahit konting sabit lang sa isang tao at sa bandang huli ay alam kong masasaktan lang ako, automatic na nag-a-adjust ang aking sistema para maiwasan ko ang maipit sa isang sitwasyong hindi ko gusto.

The possible things i would do are:

1. Keep distance.

2. Keep more distance.

3. When worst comes to worst, just disappear.


This is the best possible way to shield myself from any hurt ache before it can transpired. I care less if i could hurt the other person, what is important is my own happiness. Each day would pass quickly without notice if i wake up each morning without stuff linking my memory to him. and, probably - it wont take long and i will recover. all the fears will die together with the feelings.


Then i will ressurect.

I know that at one point i am selfish. this trait isnt something to rejoice about. and honestly, at one corner of my heart, i still believe that when you love, love without condition, without boundaries, without restrictions. call me names, its alright. i am selfish? then be it! i just dont like to expose myself from hurt, who would want right? maybe this is brought by all the painful experiences from the past. Let's just say I've learned my lessons and I'm not gonna fall for the same mistake again.

thats why im here, now — still single.