Off the charts

(to throw all the stress out of the window - a picture of my daughter should always be present...to remind mommy that - i cant be the bratty gurl i was once before)




A few days back I asked Pei Li to attend this meeting on an uber confidential matter on my behalf, since I was off to the plant tour with the US contingent. I sent her all the docs that I've been keeping to myself thus far, and she reads them and attends the meeting and is flabbergasted and tells me, wow, with all these things you have to handle on your own, your stress levels must be off the charts.

Just this week she was so right. Monday and Tuesday I'm on whole day meetings about A Big, Top Secret Project, and Tuesday even extends till 8ish with a telecon on Another Urgent Matter. Wednesday and Thursday were one of those days where Too Many Things Happen All At The Same Time. And the whole week culminates in a board meeting that involves people in at least three states and three countries and seven different locations - and the logistics is the easiest part of it, I tell you - and Another Toxic Meeting in the afternoon that lasts till 7ish, long after the anniv party has already started.


It's not even the workload. The up side to starting out in a comapany like E..o is that it gives you a healthy perspective on all your subsequent jobs. When you're used to a 9AM to 12 midnight work hour - not to mention unreasonable clients who think they own you , and bosses who not surprisingly always take the side of the clients - an 8 to 5 job is An Absolute Dream, and extending up to 7ish, 8ish a few measly times a year is Not A Big Issue.

So the workload is manageable enough. What gets to me sometimes is being neck deep into the most confidential, most sensitive issues in the company, the whole burden of it. And then there's being caught in the middle of top-level office politics that is never as clear-cut as a war between good and evil. It's rather more of a war between good and better, and who's better is never easy to figure out. And even if you manage to figure it out, you can't exactly take sides bcoz you're just a worker bee in the grand scheme of things, and have no choice but to work with all of the bosses if you want to keep your one source of moolah, right?

I can't remember which friend it was who pointed out that stress is inherent in the legal/finance profession, that wherever I go, as long as I keep a law-related job, stress will always follow me. I so agree. And I remember what Lala and Babette and I used to bitch about all the time in MWC - that all you get for your good work is more work, while mediocre employees get to keep their salaries and perks without ever having to use their brains.

Sometimes, I also think that one reason why I get involved with all of these tough stuff in the office even when they're not entirely legal matters anymore is that I'm always sticking my little nose into every single thing I get a hold of and fiercely reporting whatever I find out to the whole world. I've gotten into this insane habit of bringing out into the open what most people would rather sweep under the rug, and that always gets me into stressful situations. I told Ches, my life would be so much easier if I learn to just put my head down, pretend I don't hear things, and stick strictly to my job description.

But then how will I ever be able to sleep at night, right?

Right. So, no, it really doesn't look like I'm shutting my big mouth anytime soon. Nor does it look like my stress levels will be stabilizing in the next few more weeks.

In my next life, my job would involve flipping burgers, scooping ice cream, or driving a UP Ikot jeep - something no-brainer like that where even I can't possibly go wrong, and there'd be virtualy zero chance of me encountering any moral dilemma, and I can just stupidly hum the whole day. Until then, in this life, I guess I have no choice but to seek retail therapy. And food.