knowing it isn't part of your personal bill of rights

i so wanted friday to come, since my friend zul promised me we would go out. i even imagined myself feasting on my favourite dumplings :( and the whole picture of Geylang i have learned to love. bit it never happened. and so i contained myself ordering chicken rice on a hawker nearby and bought an ice cream as consolation to myself. but i didnt enjoy the mood. and ice cream doesnt taste as good as the one he gaved me. http://littledozeofme.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-asked-and-he-delivers.html sadness.

i spent the whole night just thinking about a lot of things. sometimes i want to reassure myself that im sticking wif my all-time-vow never expect a future with someone. tho, there would be times that i can't help but be sad knowing you dont have that one person you can call your own. (not that u need to own the person)

but what if the person is so nice? what if in spite of your bitchy state of mind, and mapanglait na character he's still your no 1 fan? what if he sees you as the most intelligent person he could ever shared conversation with-- and you feel good about it. makes you proud of yourself for that ganda points? what if he's the only person who wont be tired to ask and remind you that its time to have your meal. and inspite of going back late from work, he still would volunteer to get something for you - when you are a whining kid because of hunger. so what if you've known each other only for a year and you feel like its been light years, because of the quality of talks and time you have with him. i have never been so spoiled ever. and i want this to be forever. sadly i can't.

i just want to be realistic here.

all the things he is doing for me has limitations. were only friends.

i missed him. and i hate that.

cause it isnt part of my bill of rights.

i should contened with the time he can spare. what i need to do is to keep on praying
either (1) i dont change mind in having my vow (2) that he will realize what really i am to him.

for now, as my friend puts it....just seized the moment. tomorrow is tomorrow - no need to deal with it in the present. i love the guy. but i can't. because of so many factors around me, around him. may God Bless the Broken Road that Leads Me Back to YOu.