i once read that the opposite of love isn't hate but indifference. eventually, i realized it to be true, and i saw how the best way to make someone panic is to show the other person how little you actually care about the situation.
the past couple of months, i couldn't even begin to understand why some people around me could be so indifferent about stuff. they simply didn't care -- i'd discuss with them something that (at least to me) seemed so earth-shattering and they'd say, "ganun talaga dito." the first month, i was all like, "i want to be model employee" and i heard nothing from them except a sarcastic "good luck". worse, i'd see people mocking those who made a big deal out of these things. then it hit me: indifference isn't only the opposite of love, it was a coping mechanism. being indifferent meant they didn't care either way, so if it didn't pan out the way they wanted it to, well, at least, they didn't feel anything about it in the first place. how positively ... astute?
this morning, probably still a bundle of negative energy from all the upset-ness (no such word, but couldn't think of an apt one) of yesterday, i sent this text message to a good friend: i have decided that ... i'll make a checklist of stuff for myself and i'll stick with my checklist for now - no emotions first, no feelings, just pure unadulterated focus on what has to get done. i figured i sort of screw myself up cause i allow myself to be nice, sweet, and horribly invested in things - work, relationships, service.
so no emotions first.i'm not exactly sure how it'll turn out. but maybe, just maybe, i'll be less stressed come december.
unearthing words from my heart
29 June 2011
25 June 2011
360° turn
When you think all the things you want from this world are already within reach, think again.
There would be times when your supposed big leap would turn out to be a giant back step; Or when you thought you were right there, stepping on top of your big dream cloud, you'd suddenly feel a slow churn climbing up from the soles of your feet to the core of your heart; after a while, you would feel nauseated and would decide to come down from your dreamboat. Or a very basic example like, one night, you prepared the clothes you would wear for work the next day, but morning came and then you decided to pick out a completely different wardrobe.
When your mind is set to doing something; when you are so focused on what you need to achieve and who you want to become; or when you believe that all certain things are right and perfect for you, why does, without any disclaimer at all, a feeling of doubt cross your little perfect world and disrupt you, one way or another?
Why the sudden revolution? Why the abrupt endings or the unexpected actions and super impulsive decisions? Why do they happen? Did we just wake up and find out that this was not healthy anymore? How can we ever cope up? And how can we know that this whole reinvention is best for us?
As for me, the feeling will either leave you with a big hole in your chest, making you so empty and sullen for disappointing yourself or the other people; or give you a taste of peace for freeing yourself from the trap you hardly knew you were in.
I learned that changes are bound to happen. It just depends on us; on how we are going to entertain or not entertain them. They bump into you because you may need more in your life, you may need growth. You may need to breathe a newer, fresher air.
We come down from our dreamboats from time to time. It’s not bad. It’s normal.
We change our minds. We change our lives. We change ourselves.
Guess no one stays the same after all.
END!
There would be times when your supposed big leap would turn out to be a giant back step; Or when you thought you were right there, stepping on top of your big dream cloud, you'd suddenly feel a slow churn climbing up from the soles of your feet to the core of your heart; after a while, you would feel nauseated and would decide to come down from your dreamboat. Or a very basic example like, one night, you prepared the clothes you would wear for work the next day, but morning came and then you decided to pick out a completely different wardrobe.
When your mind is set to doing something; when you are so focused on what you need to achieve and who you want to become; or when you believe that all certain things are right and perfect for you, why does, without any disclaimer at all, a feeling of doubt cross your little perfect world and disrupt you, one way or another?
Why the sudden revolution? Why the abrupt endings or the unexpected actions and super impulsive decisions? Why do they happen? Did we just wake up and find out that this was not healthy anymore? How can we ever cope up? And how can we know that this whole reinvention is best for us?
As for me, the feeling will either leave you with a big hole in your chest, making you so empty and sullen for disappointing yourself or the other people; or give you a taste of peace for freeing yourself from the trap you hardly knew you were in.
I learned that changes are bound to happen. It just depends on us; on how we are going to entertain or not entertain them. They bump into you because you may need more in your life, you may need growth. You may need to breathe a newer, fresher air.
We come down from our dreamboats from time to time. It’s not bad. It’s normal.
We change our minds. We change our lives. We change ourselves.
Guess no one stays the same after all.
END!
24 June 2011
Monologue
Marela, do not force it too much.
Some things are not meant to be.
Don't you SULK now, my dear. Stop scratching your back or your head.
You should not spend all your time figuring things out.
Vitamins, vitamins. Do not forget them.
Tostillas is not breakfast food nor the muffins !
You are fats all ovver. Weight loss now please.
Quit splurging. You will be out of work soon and you need to save up!
Call and talk with Clara more often. It can help you brighten your day.
Do not forget that on Mondays, you should always bring your laptop!!!
You ARE moping again! Stop that!
Pray, pray, pray.
Read the newspaper. It's been a long time since I last saw you holding PDI.
What happened? Use SMS for important purposes only.
Do not stare at your phone. It will never come.
Some things are not meant to be.
Don't you SULK now, my dear. Stop scratching your back or your head.
You should not spend all your time figuring things out.
Vitamins, vitamins. Do not forget them.
Tostillas is not breakfast food nor the muffins !
You are fats all ovver. Weight loss now please.
Quit splurging. You will be out of work soon and you need to save up!
Call and talk with Clara more often. It can help you brighten your day.
Do not forget that on Mondays, you should always bring your laptop!!!
You ARE moping again! Stop that!
Pray, pray, pray.
Read the newspaper. It's been a long time since I last saw you holding PDI.
What happened? Use SMS for important purposes only.
Do not stare at your phone. It will never come.
ABC's
tis raining again outside...every reports for this week have been passed to starbucks boss. bottomline im free to blog. have this feelin of relieving such time of slumbook eras. here's my version.
A - Age: 229
B - Boyfriend: None. .
C - Chore you hate: Ironing
D - Dad's name & occupation: Victorio Comia Clarin , haciendero :D
E - Essential everyday item(s): cellphone, face powder and lipbalm, tissue, chewing gum, my Singapore Ic, Ezlink,
F - Favorite actor/actress: Edward Norton, Tom Hanks, Josh Hartnett, Meg Ryan
G - Gold or silver: Neither
H - Hometown: Batangas
I - Instruments you play: noe
J - Job: Baker Hughes
K - Kids: 1 on earth, 1 in heaven
L - Living arrangements: Living alone
M - Mother's name and occupation: Rosalinda Lopez Dudaz, bussiness minded :)
N - Name and who are you named after: Maria Lorena - didnt even bother to think
O - Overnight hospital stays: Nyep, Medical City Ortigas
.P - Phobia: Afraif of being poor
Q - Quote you like: “Everything happens for a reason” (how passe..)
R- Ride/s I have: Corolla/VTI-S.
S - Shows/Soaps you like: MTV, The Wonder Years, Star in a Million, McGyver, World’s Most Shocking Videos
T - Time you wake up: Any time between 7 to 8 am.
U - Unique habit: Tinkers phone all the time; If gets bored or if dead air makes presence felt, hands start doodling, playing with hair, scratching back and head.
V - Vegetable(s)/Fruit(s) you refuse to eat: I eat veggies. For fruits, keep out durian, apple !
W - Worst habit: Making foul remarks.
X - X-rays you've had: Chest x-rays.
Y - Yummy food you make: uhmm… I can cook adobo.
Z - Zodiac Sign: Pisces.
so baduy..haha
A - Age: 229
B - Boyfriend: None. .
C - Chore you hate: Ironing
D - Dad's name & occupation: Victorio Comia Clarin , haciendero :D
E - Essential everyday item(s): cellphone, face powder and lipbalm, tissue, chewing gum, my Singapore Ic, Ezlink,
F - Favorite actor/actress: Edward Norton, Tom Hanks, Josh Hartnett, Meg Ryan
G - Gold or silver: Neither
H - Hometown: Batangas
I - Instruments you play: noe
J - Job: Baker Hughes
K - Kids: 1 on earth, 1 in heaven
L - Living arrangements: Living alone
M - Mother's name and occupation: Rosalinda Lopez Dudaz, bussiness minded :)
N - Name and who are you named after: Maria Lorena - didnt even bother to think
O - Overnight hospital stays: Nyep, Medical City Ortigas
.P - Phobia: Afraif of being poor
Q - Quote you like: “Everything happens for a reason” (how passe..)
R- Ride/s I have: Corolla/VTI-S.
S - Shows/Soaps you like: MTV, The Wonder Years, Star in a Million, McGyver, World’s Most Shocking Videos
T - Time you wake up: Any time between 7 to 8 am.
U - Unique habit: Tinkers phone all the time; If gets bored or if dead air makes presence felt, hands start doodling, playing with hair, scratching back and head.
V - Vegetable(s)/Fruit(s) you refuse to eat: I eat veggies. For fruits, keep out durian, apple !
W - Worst habit: Making foul remarks.
X - X-rays you've had: Chest x-rays.
Y - Yummy food you make: uhmm… I can cook adobo.
Z - Zodiac Sign: Pisces.
so baduy..haha
in search
proud naman ako!
di ko yun kinakahiya.
ibig sabihin lang nun may buto ako para panindigan ang mga decision ko sa buhay.
malaya ako. masaya.
ang dami nilang opinyon.
pakiramdam ba nila ako sila?
sila ba ang nasaktan?
kung sana alam nila ang kwento.
eto ang tama.
para wala ng iba pang masaktan.
libre lang naman humabi ng kwento.
kesa makasakit ng tao.
alam mo naman yun.
na ikaw yun.
minsan ang pagsasabi ng totoo.
ang dahilan ng pagkasira sa isang tao.
so pipiliin kung maging pipi.
para pagtakpan ka.
dahil yun ang da best gawin.
kahit iba ang opinyon mo.
di ko yun kinakahiya.
ibig sabihin lang nun may buto ako para panindigan ang mga decision ko sa buhay.
malaya ako. masaya.
ang dami nilang opinyon.
pakiramdam ba nila ako sila?
sila ba ang nasaktan?
kung sana alam nila ang kwento.
eto ang tama.
para wala ng iba pang masaktan.
libre lang naman humabi ng kwento.
kesa makasakit ng tao.
alam mo naman yun.
na ikaw yun.
minsan ang pagsasabi ng totoo.
ang dahilan ng pagkasira sa isang tao.
so pipiliin kung maging pipi.
para pagtakpan ka.
dahil yun ang da best gawin.
kahit iba ang opinyon mo.
23 June 2011
A little drama over here
It isn't healthy to feed yourself on "what-might-have-beens" -- the regrets and guilty feelings from the past.
Because they will drag you down and you won't be able to go anywhere.
Nothing is extra more important than today. Because today gives you all the chances in this world to make your future beautiful :)
I think I should tell this to myself too. Heheh. I think I should really try to forgive. As Nelson Mandela said on the movie, "Invictus", "Forgiveness liberates the soul". So I should really try.
Not that my soul is so depressed and trapped, but from time to time, there are a few snippets of that past that I don't like seeing in my head. It's probably because I felt paralyzed before -- not brave enough to see the real truth; not wise enough to realize; but blind enough to tolerate it and convince myself that 'that' is happiness.
It was a great gift from the Almighty to wake me up and feed my guts with courage then. But this time, I should be brave to just let the black past go. No need to state out the reasons, no need to relive them, no need to broadcast them either.
"There is no point of going back especially when you didn't leave anything behind."
IN my heart, I know I should just shake it off and be the supreme queen that I have always been. I owe it to myself :)
Things happen in our lives because of so many so many reasons. Sometimes, we don't see them right away; sometimes it would take a whole revolution of the earth; or sometimes, the reasons have always been there -- we just don't see them yet.
So for those ancient regrets and long overdue guilty feelings you have, i think it's about time to just let them be. THere's nothing more you can do about them after all.
Let's smile, the world loves us :)
Because they will drag you down and you won't be able to go anywhere.
Nothing is extra more important than today. Because today gives you all the chances in this world to make your future beautiful :)
I think I should tell this to myself too. Heheh. I think I should really try to forgive. As Nelson Mandela said on the movie, "Invictus", "Forgiveness liberates the soul". So I should really try.
Not that my soul is so depressed and trapped, but from time to time, there are a few snippets of that past that I don't like seeing in my head. It's probably because I felt paralyzed before -- not brave enough to see the real truth; not wise enough to realize; but blind enough to tolerate it and convince myself that 'that' is happiness.
It was a great gift from the Almighty to wake me up and feed my guts with courage then. But this time, I should be brave to just let the black past go. No need to state out the reasons, no need to relive them, no need to broadcast them either.
"There is no point of going back especially when you didn't leave anything behind."
IN my heart, I know I should just shake it off and be the supreme queen that I have always been. I owe it to myself :)
Things happen in our lives because of so many so many reasons. Sometimes, we don't see them right away; sometimes it would take a whole revolution of the earth; or sometimes, the reasons have always been there -- we just don't see them yet.
So for those ancient regrets and long overdue guilty feelings you have, i think it's about time to just let them be. THere's nothing more you can do about them after all.
Let's smile, the world loves us :)
Physics in the Office
Two objects cannot occupy the same space at the same time. That’s what our high school physics teacher taught us. I know that, you know that.
So if I scheduled a whole day workshop in the conference room first from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., why would you schedule a meeting there from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.? Were you absent when your teacher taught you this, or were you just not paying attention?
Or you're giving me the right to call you stupid?
So if I scheduled a whole day workshop in the conference room first from 10:00 a.m. to 5:00 p.m., why would you schedule a meeting there from 2:00 p.m. to 4:00 p.m.? Were you absent when your teacher taught you this, or were you just not paying attention?
Or you're giving me the right to call you stupid?
20 June 2011
...Cheezy Koji : ) haberdey!!!!!
It would take an entire day to list down all the things I love about and thankful for you, so here's few of them since im now at the office working;
1. For getting drunk that day which made me realize how talented of you fitting inside a small table that even clara couldn't fit, now that she's only two.
2. For wonderful times walking with you around that polutted lake(insert lake name) albeit my feet all covered wif dust and my ears bleeding continously as i was listening to your out of this world english. how was your language school so far???? hahaha
3. For tagaytay trip.
4. For watching Imortal and Mara Clara wif me...hehehe
update : I dissed out John Lloyd for Coco ;)
5. For the Pugad Baboy books (remember the bluetooth sex and the wireless baby :P )
Maybe we can consider that soon.
6. For all the food you have cooked for me. the sinigang, scrambled egg for me and mary, the garlic prawn,.... the mere effort melted my heart haha..drama!
7. For scrutinizing my cooking abilities and how you always make a negative feedback (grrr)
8. The Krispy Kreme :)
9. For the panache displays of affection tho limited around Bicutan.
10. For letting me use your laptop when im so pissed off on how 3Gs works in Philippines. My iPhone useless. And my patience failed me again.
11. For all the Jollibee meals that made each dinner special. And how you feel bad by not giving the sundae on the poor beggar boy.
12. For all the SM Bicutan Strolling...even if we don't need to buy a thing.
11. For being on the other room when we indulge in our massage, cause its too "nakakahiya" how loud you can snore.
13. For being so down to earth when you have all reasons not to be sometimes.
14. For the many walks inside the camp and the stories that goes with it.
15. For sharing my fondness with chocolates; youre the only person who would not stop me from havin one.
16. For the fake dvd collections that allows me to watched "ang pagdadalaga ni maximo..." years after it was shown in cinema.
17. For all the nuiances when you give unsolicited advice as for my weight. So iam working my ass as an ofw to afford lipo haha.
18. For being nice to me despite me being maldita to you
19. For calling your neighbor "mahirap" which denotes im kinder to you in some areas of life :)
20. For introducing me to Love, now i have Julia my inaanak :)
21. For letting me stay in your condo - which reminds me i still have the key and you must behave.
22. For all the jejemon texts, tho its sooooo kadiri being a jejemon. IMHO.
23. For the unsinkable friendship which is my one shield against all the evil forces of the universe through all these years
24.For being the one person who knows me inside out and loves me like I’m such a jewel, anyway (or is it only me whos thingking that way??)
25.For breaking my heart in the happiest ways possible.
26. For all those years of confidence that i have a friend no matter what - hope we continue to count
27. For just being you.
28. For letting me just me when with you.
29. For not failing to remind me how to be humble, nice and patient.
30. For being the subject of this blog.
Happy happy birthday sir. I love you to the moon and back.
1. For getting drunk that day which made me realize how talented of you fitting inside a small table that even clara couldn't fit, now that she's only two.
2. For wonderful times walking with you around that polutted lake(insert lake name) albeit my feet all covered wif dust and my ears bleeding continously as i was listening to your out of this world english. how was your language school so far???? hahaha
3. For tagaytay trip.
4. For watching Imortal and Mara Clara wif me...hehehe
update : I dissed out John Lloyd for Coco ;)
5. For the Pugad Baboy books (remember the bluetooth sex and the wireless baby :P )
Maybe we can consider that soon.
6. For all the food you have cooked for me. the sinigang, scrambled egg for me and mary, the garlic prawn,.... the mere effort melted my heart haha..drama!
7. For scrutinizing my cooking abilities and how you always make a negative feedback (grrr)
8. The Krispy Kreme :)
9. For the panache displays of affection tho limited around Bicutan.
10. For letting me use your laptop when im so pissed off on how 3Gs works in Philippines. My iPhone useless. And my patience failed me again.
11. For all the Jollibee meals that made each dinner special. And how you feel bad by not giving the sundae on the poor beggar boy.
12. For all the SM Bicutan Strolling...even if we don't need to buy a thing.
11. For being on the other room when we indulge in our massage, cause its too "nakakahiya" how loud you can snore.
13. For being so down to earth when you have all reasons not to be sometimes.
14. For the many walks inside the camp and the stories that goes with it.
15. For sharing my fondness with chocolates; youre the only person who would not stop me from havin one.
16. For the fake dvd collections that allows me to watched "ang pagdadalaga ni maximo..." years after it was shown in cinema.
17. For all the nuiances when you give unsolicited advice as for my weight. So iam working my ass as an ofw to afford lipo haha.
18. For being nice to me despite me being maldita to you
19. For calling your neighbor "mahirap" which denotes im kinder to you in some areas of life :)
20. For introducing me to Love, now i have Julia my inaanak :)
21. For letting me stay in your condo - which reminds me i still have the key and you must behave.
22. For all the jejemon texts, tho its sooooo kadiri being a jejemon. IMHO.
23. For the unsinkable friendship which is my one shield against all the evil forces of the universe through all these years
24.For being the one person who knows me inside out and loves me like I’m such a jewel, anyway (or is it only me whos thingking that way??)
25.For breaking my heart in the happiest ways possible.
26. For all those years of confidence that i have a friend no matter what - hope we continue to count
27. For just being you.
28. For letting me just me when with you.
29. For not failing to remind me how to be humble, nice and patient.
30. For being the subject of this blog.
Happy happy birthday sir. I love you to the moon and back.
Happy Father's Day Tay!
i might have the clarin's eyes, the potruded teeth, the angelina jollie pout (conceited)but.....it's not just the looks. it's the fact that i can spend an entire day reading a good book and be fine with it. it's the fact that i love conversations and conversations with spirited debates. it's the fact that i love food and eating out and being adventurous but my father enjoy non-of-the above.
i miss my tatay since i went overseas to work. i miss those days we'll be spending time drinking gin on evenings and spending time chatting about stuff. i miss his wisdom, his infinite patience, how he's a manly man who takes care of all of us. i miss his simplicity, his randomness, his kindness and his quite personality. i missed on being the same as my dad.
my tatay is a dormant hands-on father, but i never felt like i'd been abandoned. my tatay is there througout my growing growing up years, dispensing advice especially when i needed it the most. tatay was always just there—never imposing, never discouraging, but steadily guiding us all the way. he was there for all of my recognition and graduations, and showered me with all the love i needed growing up. on my first official date - grad ball! - he stayed up late waiting for me and gave my date a major grilling.
and of course, let's not discount the fact that my tatay is oh-so-cool -- i wont care if he would actually reads this blog! (and you know what, he's so cool that i don't actually mind that he knows stuff about me!)
So on this day, I want to tell tatay this:
I love you, tatay. I miss you every single day but I’m comforted by the thought that you see me as your success. now that im grown up - you no longer worry when I go home late at night. you no longer feel anxious when I do something which you think is too big for me to handle. you no longer feel frustrated when you ask where I am and I don’t answer back. i know you’ll be delighted to know that I’ve slowly learned to live my life again the way you want me to: joyful, hopeful, even moreso than before.
i might not be the student you everyday ferry to school, not that little brat who would ask you for a peso to pay a visit to the neighborhood store. i might not be the timid little girl who will just cry when disappointed. i am grown up - i am certain that if one day my memory fails me ,, these are the things i know i will be able to save.
i am now a grown up lady. have her own child to rear. but tatay, rest assured - that when times gets too tough, i will always rammage the drawer of the past, to look on how you have managed our family back.
i am blessed to be my father's daughter, and one day, i hope that my daughter will be blessed to have a tatay like mine.
Happy Father's Day to the best Tatay in the world.
i miss my tatay since i went overseas to work. i miss those days we'll be spending time drinking gin on evenings and spending time chatting about stuff. i miss his wisdom, his infinite patience, how he's a manly man who takes care of all of us. i miss his simplicity, his randomness, his kindness and his quite personality. i missed on being the same as my dad.
my tatay is a dormant hands-on father, but i never felt like i'd been abandoned. my tatay is there througout my growing growing up years, dispensing advice especially when i needed it the most. tatay was always just there—never imposing, never discouraging, but steadily guiding us all the way. he was there for all of my recognition and graduations, and showered me with all the love i needed growing up. on my first official date - grad ball! - he stayed up late waiting for me and gave my date a major grilling.
and of course, let's not discount the fact that my tatay is oh-so-cool -- i wont care if he would actually reads this blog! (and you know what, he's so cool that i don't actually mind that he knows stuff about me!)
So on this day, I want to tell tatay this:
I love you, tatay. I miss you every single day but I’m comforted by the thought that you see me as your success. now that im grown up - you no longer worry when I go home late at night. you no longer feel anxious when I do something which you think is too big for me to handle. you no longer feel frustrated when you ask where I am and I don’t answer back. i know you’ll be delighted to know that I’ve slowly learned to live my life again the way you want me to: joyful, hopeful, even moreso than before.
i might not be the student you everyday ferry to school, not that little brat who would ask you for a peso to pay a visit to the neighborhood store. i might not be the timid little girl who will just cry when disappointed. i am grown up - i am certain that if one day my memory fails me ,, these are the things i know i will be able to save.
i am now a grown up lady. have her own child to rear. but tatay, rest assured - that when times gets too tough, i will always rammage the drawer of the past, to look on how you have managed our family back.
i am blessed to be my father's daughter, and one day, i hope that my daughter will be blessed to have a tatay like mine.
Happy Father's Day to the best Tatay in the world.
17 June 2011
shortest blog
i.hate.the.feeling.
U should have told me
so i wont call.
for once. i'll cry.
for the goodbye.
U should have told me
so i wont call.
for once. i'll cry.
for the goodbye.
15 June 2011
when you're friends with your boss
his full name is geoff jergarghy.
34 years old, single.
with caucasian blood.
a true model of intelligence.
and he is my boss.
boss is really something hahaha! matter of fact, i didnt feel any pressure working with him. yes, our job entails accuracy, and tedious paper works but then our closeness/friendship makes everything bearable. going to work is like going for a chat or get together honestly. finance dept had made me feel like i belong to their family - bonus to that im the youngest - so im super spoiled. so the weekly starbucks getaway from office is now a tradition between us. it is the best time for us to talk about anything. from valuation of assets, allocation of funds, better method for the training, or even where is the best shopping haven in SG. we have a lot in common -
(1) that were both foreigner here in sg
(2) that were both single - half by choice, half by chance
(3) that we both enjoy reading
(4) that we both dont eat tomato on any burger
(5) that we both enjoy silence.
(6) that we enjoy being in the middle of Bugis drinking coffee
(7) that we both think "Starwars" as our all time favorite movie
(8) that we both dont consider accounting as a career but didnt regret being into it.
(9) that we both are left handed
(10)that we both find carrot cake the best food in sg (the one they serve at AMK
and he taught me a lot of things:
on work, driving, places to go in sg, great food, good movies.
so that makes him on the list of my idols :P
34 years old, single.
with caucasian blood.
a true model of intelligence.
and he is my boss.
boss is really something hahaha! matter of fact, i didnt feel any pressure working with him. yes, our job entails accuracy, and tedious paper works but then our closeness/friendship makes everything bearable. going to work is like going for a chat or get together honestly. finance dept had made me feel like i belong to their family - bonus to that im the youngest - so im super spoiled. so the weekly starbucks getaway from office is now a tradition between us. it is the best time for us to talk about anything. from valuation of assets, allocation of funds, better method for the training, or even where is the best shopping haven in SG. we have a lot in common -
(1) that were both foreigner here in sg
(2) that were both single - half by choice, half by chance
(3) that we both enjoy reading
(4) that we both dont eat tomato on any burger
(5) that we both enjoy silence.
(6) that we enjoy being in the middle of Bugis drinking coffee
(7) that we both think "Starwars" as our all time favorite movie
(8) that we both dont consider accounting as a career but didnt regret being into it.
(9) that we both are left handed
(10)that we both find carrot cake the best food in sg (the one they serve at AMK
and he taught me a lot of things:
on work, driving, places to go in sg, great food, good movies.
so that makes him on the list of my idols :P
you know you are in-love when...
i remember blogging about how lucky other people of finding their other half right away... it is like hitting the mega lotto on the first try - and if you cant call that being lucky, then i dont know what it is. unfortunately, i am one of the million who happens to bet a lot of times and loss the same number. as to when i can hit the pot, only God knows.
...while sipping coffee with starbucks boss, out of topic he asked me how can i tell if im in love with the guy or not. ...so with such kind of questioning, i basically do the normal act. have my sweetest smile and just ignore the question. tho my mind started to swirl in search of answer.
...actually, i dont know how to define being in-love. all i know is that whenever i feel happy being with someone then i am in-love (???) is it in-love=happiness ? no of course. cause i know being in-love and being in the relationship takes a lot of effort, sacrifice and patience. because you are exposing to vulnerability of being with a stranger and giving him chance to know who you are. which i think far from bliss. history will tell, that i have defined love the wrong way so many times in the past...
on Archie - tsk! thats all i can say :(
on JF - for thinking things will sort themselves and moon and stars will conived with my hearts desire. for sure it wont :( but let me enjoy the moment some more.
....to wrap up. i pray that i'll be enlightened as to what is the true meaning of loving a person. if it isnt much i want to ask God, for a chance to strike the mega-lotto of love. in the meantime, let (....) and i be together....for the meantime.
...while sipping coffee with starbucks boss, out of topic he asked me how can i tell if im in love with the guy or not. ...so with such kind of questioning, i basically do the normal act. have my sweetest smile and just ignore the question. tho my mind started to swirl in search of answer.
...actually, i dont know how to define being in-love. all i know is that whenever i feel happy being with someone then i am in-love (???) is it in-love=happiness ? no of course. cause i know being in-love and being in the relationship takes a lot of effort, sacrifice and patience. because you are exposing to vulnerability of being with a stranger and giving him chance to know who you are. which i think far from bliss. history will tell, that i have defined love the wrong way so many times in the past...
on Archie - tsk! thats all i can say :(
on JF - for thinking things will sort themselves and moon and stars will conived with my hearts desire. for sure it wont :( but let me enjoy the moment some more.
....to wrap up. i pray that i'll be enlightened as to what is the true meaning of loving a person. if it isnt much i want to ask God, for a chance to strike the mega-lotto of love. in the meantime, let (....) and i be together....for the meantime.
11 June 2011
knowing it isn't part of your personal bill of rights
i so wanted friday to come, since my friend zul promised me we would go out. i even imagined myself feasting on my favourite dumplings :( and the whole picture of Geylang i have learned to love. bit it never happened. and so i contained myself ordering chicken rice on a hawker nearby and bought an ice cream as consolation to myself. but i didnt enjoy the mood. and ice cream doesnt taste as good as the one he gaved me. http://littledozeofme.blogspot.com/2011/06/i-asked-and-he-delivers.html sadness.
i spent the whole night just thinking about a lot of things. sometimes i want to reassure myself that im sticking wif my all-time-vow never expect a future with someone. tho, there would be times that i can't help but be sad knowing you dont have that one person you can call your own. (not that u need to own the person)
but what if the person is so nice? what if in spite of your bitchy state of mind, and mapanglait na character he's still your no 1 fan? what if he sees you as the most intelligent person he could ever shared conversation with-- and you feel good about it. makes you proud of yourself for that ganda points? what if he's the only person who wont be tired to ask and remind you that its time to have your meal. and inspite of going back late from work, he still would volunteer to get something for you - when you are a whining kid because of hunger. so what if you've known each other only for a year and you feel like its been light years, because of the quality of talks and time you have with him. i have never been so spoiled ever. and i want this to be forever. sadly i can't.
i just want to be realistic here.
all the things he is doing for me has limitations. were only friends.
i missed him. and i hate that.
cause it isnt part of my bill of rights.
i should contened with the time he can spare. what i need to do is to keep on praying
either (1) i dont change mind in having my vow (2) that he will realize what really i am to him.
for now, as my friend puts it....just seized the moment. tomorrow is tomorrow - no need to deal with it in the present. i love the guy. but i can't. because of so many factors around me, around him. may God Bless the Broken Road that Leads Me Back to YOu.
i spent the whole night just thinking about a lot of things. sometimes i want to reassure myself that im sticking wif my all-time-vow never expect a future with someone. tho, there would be times that i can't help but be sad knowing you dont have that one person you can call your own. (not that u need to own the person)
but what if the person is so nice? what if in spite of your bitchy state of mind, and mapanglait na character he's still your no 1 fan? what if he sees you as the most intelligent person he could ever shared conversation with-- and you feel good about it. makes you proud of yourself for that ganda points? what if he's the only person who wont be tired to ask and remind you that its time to have your meal. and inspite of going back late from work, he still would volunteer to get something for you - when you are a whining kid because of hunger. so what if you've known each other only for a year and you feel like its been light years, because of the quality of talks and time you have with him. i have never been so spoiled ever. and i want this to be forever. sadly i can't.
i just want to be realistic here.
all the things he is doing for me has limitations. were only friends.
i missed him. and i hate that.
cause it isnt part of my bill of rights.
i should contened with the time he can spare. what i need to do is to keep on praying
either (1) i dont change mind in having my vow (2) that he will realize what really i am to him.
for now, as my friend puts it....just seized the moment. tomorrow is tomorrow - no need to deal with it in the present. i love the guy. but i can't. because of so many factors around me, around him. may God Bless the Broken Road that Leads Me Back to YOu.
10 June 2011
panache and simplicity
10062011 - i really planned not to work. yesterday, i told my Starbucks Boss about how I badly need to catch up with a much needed rest, told him that I will see doctor in the morning and see if i can work in the afternoon. But because im Starbucks Boss favorite, He just sign the OB Form making today as official business absence :) so whether it is a >>>> sickness claim or not i can enjoy my time outside office with the pay.
anyway, i also went out to see doctor. my not-feeling-well state isn't a put up. doctor's opinion is that im havin stomach flu reason for night chill and body pain. well, no oil,milk for a week... and tons of medicine... :(
anyway, i also went out to see doctor. my not-feeling-well state isn't a put up. doctor's opinion is that im havin stomach flu reason for night chill and body pain. well, no oil,milk for a week... and tons of medicine... :(
i arrived at the clinic 11:24 and K.W.Koo Clinic is Booooo. initially i told the receptionist that im going to see doctor for a check-up. the stupid lady asked me to call my company and faxed over something. i insisted they just need to verify my IC, since my company have an account with them. took a lot of explanation so i just called my HR albeit being really pissed off. only then she understand that i want to see doctor because im not feeling well not because of pre-employment medical. darn!!!! wasting time!!!!
the doctor though was nice. checked here and theres. ask the usual questions and conclude based on the symptoms i laid to her.
and, here we go again...when i approached reception to get my medicine after they shouted my name, they asked for $36.00 with an option to pay in cash or by nets. this time i really flared up - not because i dont want to pay....but because im now certain theyre not doing what they are supposed to be doing. add to that the things that they need to know! darn!!! i told the lady in the most bitchy tone and face i could produce that (1) they should check all details first before calling me, (2) it cant be that customer should remind them when to collect cash or when it is on credit term. i'd like to add that (3) they should worry for i am the the Budget Officer and i might consider taking out our contract with them after it's expiration. cause the service is not more than ordinary!!! tsk!
***
so i found an excuse to shop. since im sick and i need happy hormones to become better. and shopping i believed is the ultimate cure :P
fell in love with these ... so i bought them
see the dainty details of gold. feels like it cost a million! i so <3 Charles & Keith!
and so love the shoes. see the details...hahah i love the ribbons :)
i feel better now. but my wallet seems to be frowning till the next salary,,,haha.
08 June 2011
i asked, and he delivers :)
I have been friends wif Prince Charm for ages (thats.how.it.seems.to.me). I remember browsing my secret crush FB account and saw his Profile Pix. He was about to tee at that photo, curious for the thought if i might have known him during my short career stint at SICC i decided to browse his account...and (s..t) i accidentally pressed the "add as friend" botton. haha! epic!
Two hours after he accepted the request, then exchange chats and confirmed i dont know him. Thank God! Or i'll be red-in-every-bits :P haha,, for i have known those members to be snooty, snob and self-right all the time.
- side story : a member once asked me what time would the rain stop??? fuck! repeat. fuck! tho i always claim being God's favourite GOD doesnt shared me that one kind talent of being precise. go and ask to NEA!!! haha. so, there how i come up with the conclusion that rich people does not = intelligent ones :P
Back to PC,we have exchanges phone numbers and been sms friends, we would talked for hours about nonsensical things on earth. one time - his phone accidentally self-deleted all contact...he search the net for my office phone number just to say he can't sms. sweeeettt :) <3 <3
After that are numerous friendly dates. We would go for star gazing along Henderson Road, numerous drive-thru orders from McDonalds, dinner at No SignBoard where he saw first hand how bitch i can become. (to the poor auntie-who happens to be my victim), the numerous times also that we bought beer and just stay inside the car while chatting and holding hand yiheee :)
I am looking forward to nights when he promised that he would come, for sure i can claim my chocolates yayy!!! im super spoiled to him that whatever whim i tell he would gladly obliged :) im a brat and i need a spoiler. period!
PC and I might be perfect pair, but sometimes u know that something are not meant to be. Or might be that our perfection of being together calls for something else...because the world are intended for non-perfect. Honestly, its a case of "bakit ngayon ka lang dumating" kind of dramas, as for me...what matters the most is that i know that somebody in this planet have found me albeit being late, loved me with my nothingness. loved me with my fullness. (or foolness?) it's better we stayed as friends.
There was this point I waged war with him, and maybe annoyed at my unreasonble whims and reasons he decided to keep quiet and avoided me. it was 4 grueling months of missing him, but i prefer to be submerged on my pride and blockened my points of view.So i battle with my ownself, armed with tears,pride,and a heart that still long to be with him.
I have these vice of deleting numbers of my so-called enemies / not-so close personas / on my phone. Housekeeping of contacts as you would call it. Needless to say, after months of convincing myself i dont need him in my life...i want to check my room upside-down for his number but nothing :( ,, till i saw a common friend who unexpectedly asked about PC. And ur guess is correct, she have his number...
Celebration!!! haha
I then composed a perfunctory message - a shy hi! hello. been a while. how life :)
Heaven must be on my side that day, he right away sent a reply. He missed me also :) happiness!!! :) :)
It's been months after the cold war. I have been nicer :P (my opinion) and we have been better since then. What could be better than having someone to look for the ice cream (which u happens to be looking for weeks already) and when he accidentally saw that flavor while having petrol top-up he would call u and asked to come down for the surprise. thats cuteee. that's love.
and heres the ice cream:
im loved <3
Two hours after he accepted the request, then exchange chats and confirmed i dont know him. Thank God! Or i'll be red-in-every-bits :P haha,, for i have known those members to be snooty, snob and self-right all the time.
- side story : a member once asked me what time would the rain stop??? fuck! repeat. fuck! tho i always claim being God's favourite GOD doesnt shared me that one kind talent of being precise. go and ask to NEA!!! haha. so, there how i come up with the conclusion that rich people does not = intelligent ones :P
Back to PC,we have exchanges phone numbers and been sms friends, we would talked for hours about nonsensical things on earth. one time - his phone accidentally self-deleted all contact...he search the net for my office phone number just to say he can't sms. sweeeettt :) <3 <3
After that are numerous friendly dates. We would go for star gazing along Henderson Road, numerous drive-thru orders from McDonalds, dinner at No SignBoard where he saw first hand how bitch i can become. (to the poor auntie-who happens to be my victim), the numerous times also that we bought beer and just stay inside the car while chatting and holding hand yiheee :)
I am looking forward to nights when he promised that he would come, for sure i can claim my chocolates yayy!!! im super spoiled to him that whatever whim i tell he would gladly obliged :) im a brat and i need a spoiler. period!
PC and I might be perfect pair, but sometimes u know that something are not meant to be. Or might be that our perfection of being together calls for something else...because the world are intended for non-perfect. Honestly, its a case of "bakit ngayon ka lang dumating" kind of dramas, as for me...what matters the most is that i know that somebody in this planet have found me albeit being late, loved me with my nothingness. loved me with my fullness. (or foolness?) it's better we stayed as friends.
There was this point I waged war with him, and maybe annoyed at my unreasonble whims and reasons he decided to keep quiet and avoided me. it was 4 grueling months of missing him, but i prefer to be submerged on my pride and blockened my points of view.So i battle with my ownself, armed with tears,pride,and a heart that still long to be with him.
I have these vice of deleting numbers of my so-called enemies / not-so close personas / on my phone. Housekeeping of contacts as you would call it. Needless to say, after months of convincing myself i dont need him in my life...i want to check my room upside-down for his number but nothing :( ,, till i saw a common friend who unexpectedly asked about PC. And ur guess is correct, she have his number...
Celebration!!! haha
I then composed a perfunctory message - a shy hi! hello. been a while. how life :)
Heaven must be on my side that day, he right away sent a reply. He missed me also :) happiness!!! :) :)
It's been months after the cold war. I have been nicer :P (my opinion) and we have been better since then. What could be better than having someone to look for the ice cream (which u happens to be looking for weeks already) and when he accidentally saw that flavor while having petrol top-up he would call u and asked to come down for the surprise. thats cuteee. that's love.
and heres the ice cream:
im loved <3
discernments
I woke up this morning, deciding between going to work or avail of Medical Leave Entitlement. I have been feeling weak since Monday morning and today is the third day of my dilemmna. After much valuation of the pros and cons, I just decided to go, considering that I have few cheques to sign and that Starbucks Boss scheduled a mini-meeting wif me today. Other than that, I can have my own time and space on my cubicle...resting or surfing the net.
***
Yesterday, I had a heated (well) argument with Rocky Boy. It is about him always suggesting how i should have change. The stubborn me said "people should love me as i am" so where does the call for change coming from? i felt he didnt exactly lives by that belief...before culminating the nights see his messages :)
so discernment between keeping him as a friend or not = solved!
he is forgiven. as always.
discernment about should i change or stay as i am = resolved!
i wont.
***
I can consider my stage now as the threshold of life. feeling all the gravity that life has to offer for pulling me down. on career, family and lovelife - i am all facing decision making. And it calls for Big Time One!!!
I sometimes envy those who opted to traverse the ordinary path of life. Study, work, get married, care the children...and wait for the husband to obligely give the much awaited monthly salary.
But I opted the path less taken. the adventurous me i supposed.
I opted or I was destined to it - is not clear.
But then, i dont whin (ok sometimes!), i rarely complain (but rare for me can be very often..hahah). One friend of mine, pointed out one time that i am having these tests since God trusted my guts soooo much. Then iy send quiver, cant sleep that very night. Could it be true? God trust me? Thats sad (if what she's telling is true), it means i really have to dealt with misfortunes
***
Im the person who will not really sit down, think and when times say up...will decide. I am a person who just let myself be thrown into situation, with a little courage that i can get by and that God will help me go through whatever pain. I just cry at times. Crying is my therapy. I find crying as my ultimate cleansing agent - for my wounded heart and soul.
So, discernement = silent times. alone moments.
Discerment requires a trusting heart to God.
Discernment is wishing to the stars that all are part of the plan.
Discenment is not for me.
God's will it is
***
As to what food to eat for lunch...well,,,hmm i still have 52 minutes to decide =)
***
Yesterday, I had a heated (well) argument with Rocky Boy. It is about him always suggesting how i should have change. The stubborn me said "people should love me as i am" so where does the call for change coming from? i felt he didnt exactly lives by that belief...before culminating the nights see his messages :)
so discernment between keeping him as a friend or not = solved!
he is forgiven. as always.
discernment about should i change or stay as i am = resolved!
i wont.
***
I can consider my stage now as the threshold of life. feeling all the gravity that life has to offer for pulling me down. on career, family and lovelife - i am all facing decision making. And it calls for Big Time One!!!
I sometimes envy those who opted to traverse the ordinary path of life. Study, work, get married, care the children...and wait for the husband to obligely give the much awaited monthly salary.
But I opted the path less taken. the adventurous me i supposed.
I opted or I was destined to it - is not clear.
But then, i dont whin (ok sometimes!), i rarely complain (but rare for me can be very often..hahah). One friend of mine, pointed out one time that i am having these tests since God trusted my guts soooo much. Then iy send quiver, cant sleep that very night. Could it be true? God trust me? Thats sad (if what she's telling is true), it means i really have to dealt with misfortunes
***
Im the person who will not really sit down, think and when times say up...will decide. I am a person who just let myself be thrown into situation, with a little courage that i can get by and that God will help me go through whatever pain. I just cry at times. Crying is my therapy. I find crying as my ultimate cleansing agent - for my wounded heart and soul.
So, discernement = silent times. alone moments.
Discerment requires a trusting heart to God.
Discernment is wishing to the stars that all are part of the plan.
Discenment is not for me.
God's will it is
***
As to what food to eat for lunch...well,,,hmm i still have 52 minutes to decide =)
06 June 2011
if you dont know me by now
...
1. i am a piscean, and all my life i believed that those born in february are extremist person.
we can't be any ordinary. it's either we are best into something or the worst.
2. im a pink person, and didnt outgrown that even now that im 29.
3. i actually love school and studying. and i am always the teacher's pet
4. i'm in 9th year of working my ass doing numbers and all, solving problems, defending budget proposals. been on a friend-enemy relationship with P&L, Balance Sheet and Journals.
5. i need to lose weight. i don't pretend to diet, cause really, i do not have the willpower to resist certain foods but i've managed to get by with half a cup of rice a day.
6. i used to love Serg's chocolates, the one shaped like baseball...sadly the company shut down and left me to long the taste for my lifetime :(
7. i'm not ashamed to admit i like alanis m, sharon cuneta, and am in love with coco matrin. i've run across duty free waving my pen and paper to get alvin patrimono's autograph. i've considered asking imee marcos if i can have my picture taken next to her (as long as borgy's in the pic too!). and yes, i do watch the buzz every sunday.
8. i don't think i'm a good driver. i drive fast and am a bit careless. i don't think i step on the brakes as much as i need to and i'm not very good at estimating spaces between cars in traffic. i have, however, mastered the art of parking rear first.
9. in spite of my utter lack of singing ability, i used to "create" songs. i made a song about snoopy for my friend (which she remembers to this day!)
10. i'm a laker's fan. manalo matalo Lakers pa rin ako :)
1. i am a piscean, and all my life i believed that those born in february are extremist person.
we can't be any ordinary. it's either we are best into something or the worst.
2. im a pink person, and didnt outgrown that even now that im 29.
3. i actually love school and studying. and i am always the teacher's pet
4. i'm in 9th year of working my ass doing numbers and all, solving problems, defending budget proposals. been on a friend-enemy relationship with P&L, Balance Sheet and Journals.
5. i need to lose weight. i don't pretend to diet, cause really, i do not have the willpower to resist certain foods but i've managed to get by with half a cup of rice a day.
6. i used to love Serg's chocolates, the one shaped like baseball...sadly the company shut down and left me to long the taste for my lifetime :(
7. i'm not ashamed to admit i like alanis m, sharon cuneta, and am in love with coco matrin. i've run across duty free waving my pen and paper to get alvin patrimono's autograph. i've considered asking imee marcos if i can have my picture taken next to her (as long as borgy's in the pic too!). and yes, i do watch the buzz every sunday.
8. i don't think i'm a good driver. i drive fast and am a bit careless. i don't think i step on the brakes as much as i need to and i'm not very good at estimating spaces between cars in traffic. i have, however, mastered the art of parking rear first.
9. in spite of my utter lack of singing ability, i used to "create" songs. i made a song about snoopy for my friend (which she remembers to this day!)
10. i'm a laker's fan. manalo matalo Lakers pa rin ako :)
for crying out loud
okay. hear me out.
for once, i think i've got a great idea.
see, in the philippines, women are expected to select. men collect relationships: the girl they just bed, the girl for display, the girl they bring home to mom, the girl they take out to gimmicks, the girl they talk to in dark secluded places simply because their girlfriends are phony barbie dolls but they can't bear to be seen with the funny, interesting, witty girl who just happens to look a wee bit like jessica zafra. women can't have that. in a country where the bastard daughter of a priest happens to be the epitome of beauty, grace, and everything that a man should want in a woman, girls are taught early on about how lovely it would be if you were to marry your first boyfriend.
some are lucky to meet "the one" so soon.
others, like me, aren't so lucky.
and so while the question of why you don't have a husband yet is quite irritating, it is equally irritating if people note that you've changed boyfriends for the nth time. they raise eyebrows, squint their eyes at you, and shake their heads in disbelief.
sometimes, you can even see a word flash before their eyes.
w-h-o-r-e.
and so we learn to lie, hide relationships, or pretend some men never really exactly happened in our lives.
and in true catholic fashion, feel guilty about it. very guilty.
now, being one of those women who has had several relationships, good and bad, in her past.
Sigh! but who are you to judge us, right? Right!
for once, i think i've got a great idea.
see, in the philippines, women are expected to select. men collect relationships: the girl they just bed, the girl for display, the girl they bring home to mom, the girl they take out to gimmicks, the girl they talk to in dark secluded places simply because their girlfriends are phony barbie dolls but they can't bear to be seen with the funny, interesting, witty girl who just happens to look a wee bit like jessica zafra. women can't have that. in a country where the bastard daughter of a priest happens to be the epitome of beauty, grace, and everything that a man should want in a woman, girls are taught early on about how lovely it would be if you were to marry your first boyfriend.
some are lucky to meet "the one" so soon.
others, like me, aren't so lucky.
and so while the question of why you don't have a husband yet is quite irritating, it is equally irritating if people note that you've changed boyfriends for the nth time. they raise eyebrows, squint their eyes at you, and shake their heads in disbelief.
sometimes, you can even see a word flash before their eyes.
w-h-o-r-e.
and so we learn to lie, hide relationships, or pretend some men never really exactly happened in our lives.
and in true catholic fashion, feel guilty about it. very guilty.
now, being one of those women who has had several relationships, good and bad, in her past.
Sigh! but who are you to judge us, right? Right!
Off the charts
(to throw all the stress out of the window - a picture of my daughter should always be present...to remind mommy that - i cant be the bratty gurl i was once before)
A few days back I asked Pei Li to attend this meeting on an uber confidential matter on my behalf, since I was off to the plant tour with the US contingent. I sent her all the docs that I've been keeping to myself thus far, and she reads them and attends the meeting and is flabbergasted and tells me, wow, with all these things you have to handle on your own, your stress levels must be off the charts.
Just this week she was so right. Monday and Tuesday I'm on whole day meetings about A Big, Top Secret Project, and Tuesday even extends till 8ish with a telecon on Another Urgent Matter. Wednesday and Thursday were one of those days where Too Many Things Happen All At The Same Time. And the whole week culminates in a board meeting that involves people in at least three states and three countries and seven different locations - and the logistics is the easiest part of it, I tell you - and Another Toxic Meeting in the afternoon that lasts till 7ish, long after the anniv party has already started.
It's not even the workload. The up side to starting out in a comapany like E..o is that it gives you a healthy perspective on all your subsequent jobs. When you're used to a 9AM to 12 midnight work hour - not to mention unreasonable clients who think they own you , and bosses who not surprisingly always take the side of the clients - an 8 to 5 job is An Absolute Dream, and extending up to 7ish, 8ish a few measly times a year is Not A Big Issue.
So the workload is manageable enough. What gets to me sometimes is being neck deep into the most confidential, most sensitive issues in the company, the whole burden of it. And then there's being caught in the middle of top-level office politics that is never as clear-cut as a war between good and evil. It's rather more of a war between good and better, and who's better is never easy to figure out. And even if you manage to figure it out, you can't exactly take sides bcoz you're just a worker bee in the grand scheme of things, and have no choice but to work with all of the bosses if you want to keep your one source of moolah, right?
I can't remember which friend it was who pointed out that stress is inherent in the legal/finance profession, that wherever I go, as long as I keep a law-related job, stress will always follow me. I so agree. And I remember what Lala and Babette and I used to bitch about all the time in MWC - that all you get for your good work is more work, while mediocre employees get to keep their salaries and perks without ever having to use their brains.
Sometimes, I also think that one reason why I get involved with all of these tough stuff in the office even when they're not entirely legal matters anymore is that I'm always sticking my little nose into every single thing I get a hold of and fiercely reporting whatever I find out to the whole world. I've gotten into this insane habit of bringing out into the open what most people would rather sweep under the rug, and that always gets me into stressful situations. I told Ches, my life would be so much easier if I learn to just put my head down, pretend I don't hear things, and stick strictly to my job description.
But then how will I ever be able to sleep at night, right?
Right. So, no, it really doesn't look like I'm shutting my big mouth anytime soon. Nor does it look like my stress levels will be stabilizing in the next few more weeks.
In my next life, my job would involve flipping burgers, scooping ice cream, or driving a UP Ikot jeep - something no-brainer like that where even I can't possibly go wrong, and there'd be virtualy zero chance of me encountering any moral dilemma, and I can just stupidly hum the whole day. Until then, in this life, I guess I have no choice but to seek retail therapy. And food.
Half Time 2011
(pix taken while im self-operating my pimple :P)
And so it’s June. It’s time for me to once again look back on the first half of the year, see what I’ve done, examine if I’m on track with my goals, and plan the next six months.
This year’s different though because of one major factor: I made no concrete plans for this year. Coming from a heartbreaking 2010, I started 2011 with the sole intent of resting and enjoying my life. I had one motto for the year: I will simply let life happen.
And so far, life has happened. I went on several trips, overcame another disappointment (I’ve come to accept the fact that they never stop, and that’s fine), welcomed somebody back in my life (ahem!), and took initial steps (yet again) in my never ending pursuit to be healthy.
But what makes life even better is that I’m slowly hitting my strides again and finding myself opening up to new possibilities. In fact, I’m ready to make plans now. I plan to seriously start living a healthy lifestyle , to finish my career and my lovelife discernment and to act on its result before the last quarter of the year, to save more and make another investment within the year, and to decide once and for all on this one thing that I’ve been putting off for so long.
And if none of these plans go right, or if some of them do not pan out, I plan to be more accepting of God’s plans and to stop arguing with life because I know better now. God has been good to me, so in response, I say:
I wrote this after watching the new AI idol sing the song “I Love You This Big” and I think it’s the perfect response to a God who, for the first half of the year—and way before that, and even way after that— proved and shall prove Himself faithful. On this note, I’m ready for the next half.
***
On a less serious note : I realized that,,
1. I have lost 19lbs of anything out from my body and though im not into a perfect shape i am soo happy that atleast my effort is not wasted.
2. That i have been so patient now compared to last year that
2.a I have wage a fight with Prince Charm (huhuhu months of not talking
2.b That Rocky boy has been pissed off once over six months unlike last year averaging of once per week
2.c That people around me has better words to say about me understanding and considering the situation, whatever it is
2.d That i didnt rant on my meager salary.
3. That i havent been to movie house for the last 6 months, and havent bought any bag compared to one per month last year.
Maybe im so over my "kababawan"...
04 June 2011
Happy List..all about Prince Charm =)
1. Had a nice and romantic dinner at Marina Yatch Club (Singapore) last Tuesday. It was major if you happened to compare it with the usual McDonalds late night orders. Not becos he can't afford high end restos but becos his work sched is crazy. it was a long exchange of talk, from politics to mundane likeness to chocolates =) he's so sweet that i fell in love with him more. happiness :)
2. He's like very apologetic now every time he failed to sms me during the day. and i vowed not to whine on this.
3. A secret "happiness" felt he really appreciate the act :P
4. I know how he would be a good father, might be the best husband?
2. He's like very apologetic now every time he failed to sms me during the day. and i vowed not to whine on this.
3. A secret "happiness" felt he really appreciate the act :P
4. I know how he would be a good father, might be the best husband?
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