reading a letter

the truth is, it has been there at my inbox for months already. i was totally aware of it's existence, though there's an utmost necessity of courage from my part just to open the letter and start reading it. at last, out of boredom maybe..i opened the email. a letter from the past....to bridge to the future...a reconciliation.

it was the sweetest letter. i had tears after i finish reading. everything come rushing, flashing across my mind. was it me? was it him? was it the two of us? the people around? time? reasons?

inside the letter is my own story. written with finess and care. i cannot think of anone who can write the story with more credibility than he has. with such validated facts. with utmost feelings that you almost can relive the past 12 years of my own life. something that i had overlooked already, or i simply had force to forget.

i realized that things have to happen, for whatever purpose----which we have to discover as days come by. like why do we have to leave? yeah because were going somewhere,,,but why? for what? how? and when?

the letter was a puzzle. the letter is my story. so my story is still a puzzle to me. im trying to build the whole picture,,no matter how hard it requires, i need to put the pieces all together. my life was and never was broken...emptiness of something maybe....of the loss piece? or the whole picture?

im still in search for the answer. of who's the person behind the story. i believed i knew him completely. the letter made me realized how mediocre i am in this game of knowing him. it was a shame. thruth is, being away from a person who knows you very much would mean freedom from who i was...it opens the opportunity to gain my new identity....without the shadow of the past. but sad that you sometimes miss the times, the good one---even the not so good ones.

"ang gusto ko lamang sa buhay ay yakapin mo ako"

a simple wish. for someone who's been so nice. it will break anyone's heart....to turn their back.