happy birthday, person i deleted from my life.

several years ago, i celebrated the birthday of a person i christened my great love after a couple of days of hanging out and getting swimmingly along. few years after, i was pissed off, mad, and had made the unilateral decision to delete him from my life without any ceremony whatsoever. i was done, i wanted to move on, and there was nothing there that i wanted to go back to anymore. it was a bad decision borne out of impulse and, most likely, loneliness and therefore best chalked up to experience.

early this morning, while watching a movie that turns a woman's heart into jello, a friend reminded me of so-and-so's birthday. i had almost forgotten about it, but apparently the fate's won't let me. and so, now, almost halfway into ex-love birthday, i am choosing to remember the good things, the happy moments, and the friendship that was lovingly offered when i needed it the most.

with everyone boasting of countless of "friends" on facebook, one can't but help ask herself really what friendships are made of, and whether, when one realizes her car batteries has died, there'd be someone to pick her up and say it will be okay. there's always the looming question that even with the hundreds of names on my cellphone, there's someone there i could call when i'm too choked up to breathe from crying my heart out. with the ease of getting in touch via YM and skype and facebook chat, would any one of the people i can reach via these messenger-type technology be willing to listen to me as i, for the millionth time, complain about my complicated life?

maybe it's time for an apology to the boy who's celebrating his birthday today. maybe i was wrong for giving up on a friendship with you, after all, you did prove yourself a good friend when i was at a low point. and maybe it's time to acknowledge that friendships do not need technology but require actual time and presence to flourish. maybe it's time to thank new friends who met me when i was the most alone in my life and helped mold me into the strong, fearless, and (semi)confident single woman i now am.

to rav 0423